It became a regular refrain. Whenever we announced our latest travel plans to take our children to places such as Borneo, Cambodia, or Sri Lanka, the standard comment came back: “Oh, but they won’t remember any of it.”
“Might as well just stick them in a cupboard until they’re teenagers then,” was my usual tart reply. Fortunately — as my memoir, Shape of a Boy: My Family and Other Adventures, goes to show —I didn’t pay any attention.
Instead, the pages tell of the many quite-by-chance life lessons that my sons have been given while travelling. Most experiences were magical, on very rare occasions disconcerting, but all were life-defining, and I was sure that all would shape my sons into the adults they’d become.
After all memory is a tricky one to capture, often triggered by a smell or taste; a photograph or a story shared within a family, a conversation beginning: “Remember the time when we…?”
And among some of my favourite family travel moments, there’s a life lesson to be found.
A lesson in perseverance, Borneo
At the Gomantong Caves, where swifts’ nests are harvested for the Chinese delicacy of bird’s nest soup, a toxic smell from the accumulated excrement of swifts and bats known as guano filled the air. Within minutes, Ben, age five, had slipped and put his hand down to save himself. “My hand’s got poo on it,” he wailed. “Please can we go back?”
“Listen, I’ll take you to the Isle of Wight next year,” I promised, trying to wipe the odious substance away. “But we’re here now, so let’s just keeping going.”
Borneo boys CREDIT Kate Wickers
Boys on a jungle path in Borneo (Photo: Kate Wickers)
The cave was fetid and gloomy but unfortunately not quite dark enough to avoid seeing cockroaches and giant millipedes scurrying around. Pleas to turn around came regularly, but we soldiered on and out the other side to a clearing in the forest.
There before us was the world’s largest tree climbing mammal — a female orangutan, and we were close enough to see how her feet gripped the bamboo stem and to smell her musky odour. It was the rarest of pleasures to see her in the wild.
“We almost gave up. We could have missed seeing her,” I whispered to my sons. Even Ben grinned and nodded.
How to do it: A 14-night Family Fun in Malaysia and Borneo itinerary from Scott Dunn costs from £5,500 per person based on two adults and two children, including UK flights, internal flights, accommodation, transfers, and selected experiences.
A lesson in karma, Sri Lanka
We were travelling in a minibus when a large bull elephant emerged from the bushes and ran on to the road. He was angry, tossing his trunk around and swaggering backwards and forwards in front of a tuk-tuk just 20 metres away from us — but our driver Bonni seemed strangely calm.
“He has no argument with us,” he told us. “He has been waiting in the bushes for that tuk-tuk to pass by. The man must have mistreated him.”
Sri Lanka elephant CREDIT Kate Wickers
Boys with an elephant in Sri Lanka (Photo: Kate Wickers)
We watched as the driver of the tuk-tuk scrambled away. Like the majority of Sri Lankans, Bonni was Buddhist and so his belief in Karma — the cycle of cause and effect, that a person’s good or bad actions will dictate their future — made it easy for him to explain the elephant’s behaviour.
As life lessons go, this was a big one. We watched as the bull charged at the tuk-tuk and flipped it over with his trunk and tusks. It lay in the road, wheels spinning like a toy car, putting a whole new perspective on the adage, that ‘an elephant never forgets’.
How to do it: A seven-night all-inclusive holiday to Ahungalla staying at the Riu Sri Lanka with TUI costs from £959 per person, based on two adults and two children sharing.
A lesson in mortality, Mexico
“Mexicans like to poke fun at death,” our guide explained. We were looking at a papier mâché figure of a skeleton riding a bicycle in a folk-art museum, made for Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead festival, that takes place in November. “They even have parties in graveyards, so the people they love who’ve died don’t miss out.”
“But they’re dead,” pointed out eight-year-old Freddie.
“The belief is that no-one is dead until the last memory of them fades,” the guide explained to them.
Mexico temple CREDIT Kate Wickers
Three boys at a temple in Mexico (Photo: Kate Wickers)
I watched as my three boys mulled this new thought over. Their much-loved uncle had recently passed away and emotions were still raw.
While the idea of a party in a graveyard might take some getting used to, hearing death mentioned like this, in a positive way, turned out to be exactly the solace that we’d all been searching for.
“We’ll never forget Rob,” said Freddie, and we all smiled at this comforting thought.
How to do it: A seven-night all-inclusive holiday in Costa Mujeres staying at the Riu Dunamar with First Choice costs from £1,170 per person when booked online, based on two adults and two children sharing, including flights and transfers.
A lesson in social etiquette, Japan
Japan is by far the politest country I’ve ever visited — which meant it also had the greatest potential for cultural faux pas. Before arriving in Tokyo, I’d given my family a briefing. They were never to sit with their legs open but slant them to the side (straight towards a person was an omen of death); never to raise their voices; not be fussy about food; never to leave their chopsticks pointing upwards in a bowl. The list went on and on.
On our very first evening, there was confusion over dinner as what arrived looked nothing like what we’d ordered. We all stared at the weird mixture of glutinous jelly dessert, curried rice, and seaweed.
Japan family CREDIT Kate Wickers
Kate Wickers and family in Japan (Photo: Kate Wickers)
“I’m not eating that!” said 15-year-old Ben.
“Don’t be a picky eater, it’s rude. And stop waving your chopsticks around!”
Josh, aged 16, took a tentative nibble at the rice. “It tastes horrible,” he said.
“Just eat it!” I told them.
“Mum, keep your voice down, you’re embarrassing us!” they chimed. We all had so much to learn.
How to do it: The Golden Route nine-day break from Kuoni, visiting Tokyo, Kyoto, Hakone, and Nara, costs from £4,530 per person, including return flights, internal flights, transfers, and accommodation.
A lesson in positivity, Australia
There’s only so many times you can hear, “No worries, mate” before beginning to believe that perhaps you have none. Aussie idioms such as this, and the upbeat attitude that goes along with them, are infectious.
“She’ll be alright,” announced the mechanic before he’d even looked under the bonnet, when our hire car broke down. No wonder it’s ranked as one of the happiest countries in the world.
Australia beach CREDIT Kate Wickers
Beach in Australia (Photo: Kate Wickers)
“Good luck, mate. No worries if yer run into strife but try not to” was the affable advice as we set off in our 4WD jeep to explore Fraser Island, the largest sand island in the world.
When we were startled by a wild and potentially dangerous dingo on the beach, this guidance was hollered from nearby: “No worries, family. Just relax and look the bugger in the eye.”
And on a kayak safari from Port Douglas? “No worries about sharks here,” our guide told us, without a hint of irony… as we passed a sign that warned of saltwater crocodiles. Travelling in Australia proved a masterclass in looking on the bright side.
How to do it: A 17-day Australia Family Tour: Sydney, National Parks and Great Barrier Reef from Audley Travel costs from £3,770 per person, based on a family of four, including flights, transfers, excursions & accommodation in family rooms on a B&B basis.
Shape of a Boy: My Family and Other Adventures is out in paperback from July 5 (Aurum, £9.99), available to pre-order now, as well as in hardback (£16.99)
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