Last week we celebrated Purim. My social feeds were crowded with photos of people at fancy dress parties and seudahs drinking until they were merry — and sometimes a few glasses beyond — and gifting mishloach manot.

I was in awe of how committed people were to their costumes and masks (I truly wouldn’t have known the real identities of some of them if their names hadn’t been on the posts).

It got me thinking about how dressing up has become an intrinsic part of the festival, thanks to those moments in the original Purim story when the protagonists wore masks, concealing their true identity. The tale may be ancient, but still the theme of feigned identities is relevant to online dating and particularly to “catfishing”.

For those who aren’t already au fait with this essential term for anyone who is thinking of dating in 2022: catfishing is defined as luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.

Essentially, it is creating a dating profile with fake photos and information in a bid to build connections and subsequently relationships.

In some cases, only parts of the online profile are fake, and this has been coined “kitten fishing”.

Ultimately, there is a spectrum of deception. It might be nothing more than having the cheek to post photos of yourself from ten years ago on your profile — or at the furthest extreme, manipulating victims through a series of deceptions and lies to transfer money to you.

Anyone in the dating pool right now needs to have their wits about them when dating online. But I’m not here to give you a lesson in how to do that.

What I do want to share is the importance of being authentic in your online dating profile. The number of times I’ve sat down with a group of friends to methodically recreate someone’s dating profile is quite frankly, too many.

I used to think a catchy, slinky online dating profile was the secret but here’s what’s really important. We are telling a story when putting together a profile, but in doing so we must resist the temptation to mis-sell ourselves on one cleverly crafted photo or piece of information that is in actual fact a misconstruction of the truth.

I am telling you now, they will find out that you actually went to Oxford Brookes, not the University of Oxford, or if you’re 29 years old rather than 26.
A white lie is still a lie and who wants to start a relationship on false facts? This might not quite be outright catfishing, but it’s starting you down that road of playing fast and loose with the truth.

The real thing I am all for taking the time to craft a charming dating profile, but one thing that rings true is representing yourself with honesty online.

Authenticity is your superpower in today’s dating world, so what will really make you stand out is showing who you really are. You can save the masks for Purim.


Aimee Belchak dreamed up her own matchmaking business, The A-gency, in lockdown. She sets up London based Jewish singles aged 22-36 years old on blind dates every month. Aimee has her own podcast, Yente Tells All, and she’s on Instagram @AimeeBelchak. Send her your questions at aimee@thea-gency.uk