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Dealing with hate and blame, together

The interfaith group with an emphasis on friendship

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The summer of 2014 saw the start of the Israel-Gaza war, also known as Operation Protective Edge. But, for many Jews in the diaspora, it also marked another kind of war, of hate, blame, and the need to support a country that many felt a special a link to - even though they didn't live there.

A lot of this discourse and fighting took place via social media, and prompted Sara Conway and Radha Dudhia, into action.

Sara and Radha had been friends for years before Operation Protective Edge, meeting at the nursery that their children (now aged between 10 and 21) attended. Both women were upset and angry at the posts and messages they saw on their Facebook feeds: "We wanted to reach out and try and change that dialogue," Sara tells me. To do that, they set up Unity, a women's interfaith charity group.

The pair are passionately enthusiastic about Unity. They describe themselves as "like an old married couple, always finishing each other's sentences". But the interesting thing is that they really seem to be on the same page, an actual -- as clichéd as it sounds - embodiment of "unity".

Both women had grown up in multi-racial communities, sending their children to non-denominational schools and mixing with a variety of people from work and the school gate. Their backgrounds had never seemed like an issue before but, Sara says, "it felt like that was changing."

So, along with a few other like-minded friends, Zareen Aslam, Jude Habib and Marina King, Sara and Radha formed a private Facebook group that they called the "Group with No Name". This was a place where Jewish and Muslim women - friends - could ask each other the tough questions about how their communities were reacting to the conflict, and present alternative opinions.

"We found we were coming at it from a humanist point of view almost," says Radha. "The language we saw online was attacking and that made me upset and sometimes angry. For me, one of the reasons for setting up [Unity] was to make a difference, and Sara was the ideal person because she had very similar views. That friendship angle is what it's all about."

Friendship is a running theme throughout my conversation with the women from Unity and, in fact, throughout all the work they do, from fundraisers to awareness events.

At one recent event, 12 women all enjoyed a bagel lunch, talking over each other, laughing and acting as if they had been friends for years. Some of them were core Unity members, but one woman had attended her first Unity event just the weekend before.

It was illuminating to see interfaith dialogue in action at this lunch table. One attendee, Iram, was talking about her plans for her community Iftah this month when one of the Jewish women in the room, another Sara, said: "When my friends ask me what an Iftah is, I'm not sure I'd actually be able to tell them". The five Muslim women at the lunch then explained how Muslims break the fast at Ramadan, joking about how some people were faster at the prayers than others.

Sara describes Unity as "a friendship group that does good stuff". It is not a registered charity but has successfully run a number of charitable events in the year since its launch.

A particular highlight was an event at the House of Lords in March. This was held in conjunction with other organisations involved in Middle East peace-building, and Unity funded the appearance of Joana Osman, co-founder of Peace Factory, a social media initiative that has connected thousands of people in the Middle East online, particularly across borders where they cannot physically meet.

"The voices that get heard in conflicts like this are the loudest ones, so we thought it was important to amplify the voice of the peace-builders and grassroots co-existence organisations," says Sara.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that this was a full-time job. But Sara and Radha -like all of the women who help run or contribute to Unity - have very busy lives, fitting in their Unity work around jobs, children and other charitable obligations. Sara is the executive director of the Spread a Smile Charity and Radha is a tax consultant.

That's why, after it expanded from the initial group of five friends, Unity has remained a women's group, with the aim of bringing together Jewish and Muslim women, whatever their level of religious observance. The events are usually 50/50 Jewish and Muslim, and, Radha explains, "as time has gone on there seem to be more Orthodox women from both sides getting involved".

There's another reason for keeping Unity a women's group, although men and children are more than welcome to attend the events they put on. Radha says: "It's easier for women to speak openly in a group that's mainly women; in a mixed group the men can take over and the energy is different."

Sara adds: "Amongst our children, lots of them were finding the Israel/Palestine thing had become this elephant in the room. As mums, we wanted to make things better for our kids as well."

Their remit has now spread well beyond discussing the Israel/Gaza conflict, but the original aim, to connect Jewish and Muslim women, has remained. Many of the women have joined Unity to contribute to a particular event, and come away with new friends and a new understanding.

Emily, Sara's 17-year-old daughter, tells me how inspiring it has been for her to attend Unity events and join her mother's planning meetings: "I see my mum and Zareen - who've changed their opinions, just through knowing someone on the other side."

So, as the first year of Unity comes to a close, the women are already busily planning a packed calendar of future events, including Mitzvah Day and Sadaqa Day, fundraising for refugees and the homeless, and even an immersive theatre experience.

This makes the co-founders, Sara and Radha, happy with the progress of their little "No Name" Facebook group."The reaction has been so positive," they say."After every event, we get asked: 'when's the next one?' "

And they feel that the real benefit of Unity is showing other people that it can be done. "The beauty of [the group's successful events] and talking about it is to get other groups to form, other grassroots, interfaith friendship groups," says Sara. "Three hundred people is lovely for an annual conference but for this to work it needs to be small. The focus here is on smaller, community projects.

"We have fun together. It can feel very worthy but actually, it's enriched everyone's lives - certainly ours."

To find out more about Unity, search for their Facebook group: Unity - Faith, Hope and Community

NISA-NASHIM, THE JEWISH MUSLIM WOMEN’S NETWORK

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