My 12-year-old daughter, Kitty, and I are barrelling towards her bat mitzvah at what feels like warp speed.

I regularly wake in a cold sweat, remembering something I’ve forgotten or need to do. She’s mostly engaged in deep discussions with her besties over how to style her hair for her big day next month.

And when I’m not nagging her to practise her portion, I’m quizzing her on how her D’var Torah is going. (Painfully slowly from where I’m standing at the entrance to her bombsite of a bedroom.)

Victoria Prever and Kitty (2)

Kitty and Victoria Prever (Photo: handout)

In contrast, Stacy — Adam Sandler’s on-screen daughter in the Netflix movie You Are So Not Invited To My Bat Mitzvah (YASNITMBM) played by real-life daughter Sunny — appears to barely need to be practise hers.

In fact, the nearly-teen is frequently shown lying on her bed singing back to the tape.

Not once do we see on-screen mother Idina Menzel screaming: “Just do it or
I’ll take your phone away for the rest of today… and tomorrow. You’ve got a lesson today!”

These aren’t the only moments where our pre-bat mitzvah reality differed from the fictional Friedmans’. At first, Stacy and her mother’s dress shopping experience (spats) mirror ours: they are as far apart on what makes the perfect outfit as we are.

When the tween tried on a navy number that she said makes her look like “the lady who pulls kids out of class when their parents get into car accidents”, her mother’s glowing approval reflected mine. The garment was shul-perfect and if we find a dress like that my credit card will be out faster than a crowd of guests descending on a buffet table.

Adam Sandler, Sarah Sherman, Dan Bulla, Sammi Cohen

Adam Sandler, Sarah Sherman, Dan Bulla, Sammi Cohen in YSNITMBM (Photo: Netflix)

My daughter — her eyes rolling — confirmed that she would have also picked the short, strappy number our hormonal heroine hankered after. But Stacy’s quick sartorial surrender was a million miles from the battle I’d have had on my hands.

But I found parallels too. The mannerisms, reactions and life-goals of Stacy and her on-off best friend Lydia conjured up several of Kitty’s friends for me. I’ve read that the authenticity of those scenes could be down to Sunny and sister, Sadie Sandler (who played on-screen older sister Ronnie), reworking lines that felt clunky to them.

Attempts by Stacy’s dad, played by Sandler, to claw back time with his rapidly growing up girls also rang true. My husband constantly hankers after the little people who once clung to our hands in public places, now replaced by (almost) adult-sized versions who cringe every time we open our mouths.

Sunny Sandler, Adam Sandle

Sunny Sandler in You're So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (Photo: Netflix)

Although, to be fair, Sandler’s case wasn’t helped by his emerging in his dressing gown at the cinema in front of the cool kids from school or video-calling from the tampon aisle to ask what size Stacy needed. I mean, of course, Stacy was mortified. Who wouldn’t be?

Not that she wasn’t capable of engineering her own social disasters. Her awkward attempts to impress crush Andy Goldfarb had us both squirming in our seats — especially after an ill-advised cliff jump. (No spoilers but it wasn’t pretty.)

Stacy has zero interest in her mitzvah project despite the best efforts of happy, clappy Rabbi Rebecca — leader of the group’s bnei mitzvah classes — played gloriously by Saturday Night Live comic Sarah Sherman.

Victoria Prever and Kitty

Victoria and Kitty (Photo: handout)

Snap. In our world, it’s me attempting to bring some giving back to the table. Yes, my daughter remained oblivious to my Paddington-stares at any on-screen mention of a mitzvah project.

And like her, Stacy and Lydia focused only on the glitz and glamour of their coming-of-age parties.

Stacy prays to God to make hers perfect: “If I have a kickass bat mitzvah, doors would open and I could have a fab life on my own terms,” she says while presenting a PowerPoint to her parents setting out why they should use her college fund to pay for a private yacht on the Hudson River and a fly-by from Olivia Rodrigo on a jet ski. “Dua Lipa would make my life perfect."

Putting aside that the film kept reminding me of my endless to-do list, Kitty and I were both entertained by YASNITMBM. She gave it eight out of ten and will, I imagine, be watching it on repeat, as only my daughter can.

It’s a window into hyperbolic US-style bat mitzvahs that explains from where the northwest London simchah fashions have emerged. And even if you’re not at the BM stage of your children’s lives, this is a Judy Blume-esque coming-of-age yarn with which we can all relate.

Now, do excuse me. I’ve got hoodies to order and table plans to create

You're So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah is available on Netflix now.