Question:  I am in my mid-40s and don’t have a burial plan. I describe myself as “flexidox”, I am not denominationally affiliated and I can’t tell how I will feel religiously at the end of my life. So is it fair that I have to subscribe to a synagogue to get buried, shouldn’t there be a viable option for people like me?

Rabbi Brawer: The notion of joining a synagogue to get buried is patently absurd.

Financing a burial plot is no different to, say, financing a car. You can pay the full sum up front, or you can spread it over many instalments. Many synagogues incorporate burial fee increments into the annual membership dues. This obviates the need for the family of the deceased to pay a hefty burial fee at the time of death. But one does not need to belong to a synagogue to regularly set aside a sum of money for this purpose. Alternatively, one’s finances may be such that paying out a lump sum at the time of death does not constitute a burden. 

One should join a synagogue because of the opportunities it presents for experiencing a rich Jewish life in the context of community, not as an insurance policy for death. And yet, if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by, the number of people who join synagogues for burial rights is astounding. Your question raises a broader issue about synagogue membership and that is that increasing numbers of young Jews no longer join synagogues. 

There are several reasons for this shift. The most obvious is that synagogue membership is expensive and many young families are under financial pressure in ways that their parents were not. 

Additionally, the hierarchical structure of many synagogues is just not appealing to a younger generation’s more egalitarian taste.

Younger people are also more comfortable buying small units of services or products that they are more likely to use, rather than open-ended membership fees. It makes little sense for a struggling young family to pay several hundred pounds in synagogue membership when they are only likely to attend services infrequently.

Synagogues would do well to experiment with more flexible pricing models such as breaking down the various services on offer (ritual, educational, cultural, social, lifecycle) and bundling them into smaller packages for sale. Or at least offering this as an option alongside traditional fees. It would have the added benefit of raising the level of quality and accountability, as the synagogue would have to justify its pricing on each ticketed service. 

This would require an entirely new way of thinking about the synagogue and its function. But given dwindling membership, business as usual is just not sustainable. 

Rabbi Brawer is Neubauer chief executive of Hillel, Tufts University

Rabbi Romain:  In theory, you could simply put some money aside — be it a lump sum or a monthly saving that builds up — so that when the time came, you would have sufficient funds for a funeral. But I do not think that is the best option to take, and for several different reasons.

First, if you are going to die Jewish, then why not belong Jewish as well? You can continue to float between different congregations, or follow your own path in a very eclectic way, but you can still join a synagogue without feeling you are trapped or labelled.

Second, it means that neither you nor your family need worry about who will see to the funeral — while it will save them having to phone around at a time when they are emotionally upset. Instead, there will be an automatic channel that will look after all arrangements at short notice.

Third, even if you only spend occasional time in that particular community, you will be a known member, not an anonymous stranger. That, too, will be a comfort for your relatives and ensure a more personal ceremony.

Fourth, you seem to assume that, being in your forties, your funeral is a long way off. Hopefully, yes; but maybe not. Who can tell what is round the corner, from a fatal car accident to an aggressive cancer? You may not have the luxury of the long-term planning that you are taking for granted.

Fifth, has it occurred to you that unless people support synagogues when they do not need them, those synagogues will not be there when they do need them? Who do you expect will pay for the upkeep of the building or services of a rabbi until you decide it is time to use them? Why put your funeral money in a bank, when you could be using it for your annual subscription to maintain communal structures?

Sixth, even if you reckon you will not use your synagogue membership to participate in any activities, and feel you will not “get anything out of it”, you will still benefit, as part of it goes into their funeral insurance scheme and means your funeral costs are covered.

Seventh, if nothing else, you could regard your synagogue subscription as tzedakah money, and part of Jewish charitable giving that applies as much to a “flexidox” Jew as any other type.

Rabbi Romain is rabbi at Maidenhead (Reform) Synagogue 

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