Player profile: Neal Cohen

Supports: The famous Tottenham Hotspur

Position: On the touchline with a clipboard as player-manager, Director of Football and chief scout

Previous clubs: Woodside Park, Athletico MAL, RSP, Racing Hampstead, Brixton, Brad, Sound, Pazza Ayia Napa, The Purple Pussy Cat

Status: Engaged to the wonderful Shelley (Arsenal Mrs. Goonerbird)

Likes: Spurs, food and Prison Break

Dislikes: Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham, referees, lefties and blokes with hair

Football idol: Graham Roberts

Best player played with: Martin Chivers, Managed: Danny Jacobs

Favourite ground: The Lane

Favourite food: Salad

Favourite Kosher restaurant: Solly's

Favourite holiday destination: Butlins

Favourite film: Carry On Up The Khyber

Favourite car: Blue Old Ford Anglia 1967

Actual car: Bentley

Big match preparation: Getting my players to the ground before kick off and catching them smoking

Dream date: A night with David Ginola

Career highlight: Winning two games in a row in 2003 and coming second in Division Four

Famous look-a-like: Phil Mitchell

Claim to fame: I'm Nick from Enfield on TalkSport

One regret: Not being born into the Royal family

Motto: Pay your subs and play the game

Shwarma or falafel: Shwarma. I'm not into all that vegetarian nonsense