Age: 40
Lives: North West London
Occupation: DJ and entrepreneur
Nickname: Phil Mitchell
Supports: The famous Tottenham Hotspur
Position: On the touchline with a clipboard as player-manager, Director of Football and chief scout
Previous clubs: Woodside Park, Athletico MAL, RSP, Racing Hampstead, Brixton, Brad, Sound, Pazza Ayia Napa, The Purple Pussy Cat
Status: Engaged to the wonderful Shelley (Arsenal Mrs. Goonerbird)
Likes: Spurs, food and Prison Break
Dislikes: Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham, referees, lefties and blokes with hair
Football idol: Graham Roberts
Best player played with: Martin Chivers, Managed: Danny Jacobs
Favourite ground: The Lane
Favourite food: Salad
Favourite Kosher restaurant: Solly's
Favourite holiday destination: Butlins
Favourite film: Carry On Up The Khyber
Favourite car: Blue Old Ford Anglia 1967
Actual car: Bentley
Big match preparation: Getting my players to the ground before kick off and catching them smoking
Dream date: A night with David Ginola
Career highlight: Winning two games in a row in 2003 and coming second in Division Four
Famous look-a-like: Phil Mitchell
Claim to fame: I'm Nick from Enfield on TalkSport
One regret: Not being born into the Royal family
Motto: Pay your subs and play the game
Shwarma or falafel: Shwarma. I'm not into all that vegetarian nonsense