We must challenge the stigma of loneliness - The Jewish Chronicle

It is among the most harmful and widespread afflictions that a person can face, with the power to destroy relationships and devastate lives. Yet very few people know how to identify it or that it even exists. According to research published earlier this month, the vast majority of British people have experienced loneliness. One in ten people aged over 65 suffer from a form of "chronic loneliness", defined as feeling alone, "all or most of the time", a depressing statistic.

But perhaps the most worrying finding, identified by an organisation called the Campaign to End Loneliness, was the fact that the very mention of the condition remains a taboo subject. A staggering 92 per cent of respondents thought that people were generally afraid to acknowledge that they were lonely. When asked: "What do you think people imagine about those who are lonely?" the most common responses were, "there is something wrong with them", or "they are unfriendly" or "it is their fault they are lonely".

According to the directors of the campaign, it is this stigma that makes it particularly difficult to identify those most in need of friendship and support. And it is this stigma that the Jewish community has a particular responsibility to overcome.

We are rightly proud of the way that our community "looks after its own" and provides for those who are vulnerable. Yet where it is not always possible to immediately recognise a person as being in need of our help, we have a long way to go.

Indeed, it would be a serious mistake to think that the Jewish community is somehow in a better place than the national one on this issue.

Isolation and loneliness must be tackled head on

"In a world of hyper-connectivity", writes American Jewish author Ron Wolfson in his excellent book Relational Judaism, "we are shockingly alone". In support, he cites the results of a fascinating survey conducted by one of the largest synagogues in North America. The state of public education came top of the list of concerns people had about their society. But at a close second was the "state of isolation and loneliness felt by members of the congregation". Loneliness, and the stigma surrounding it, are very real issues in the twenty-first century and must be tackled head on.

We have wonderful communal organisations devoted to helping people who are in need of support, and many of them have made some excellent progress in recent years. But at a grassroots level, within individual communities and social groups, we can and must do more.

There are people all around us who suffer from loneliness. People who are desperate to meet someone new, struggling with personal issues, or simply in need of a friendly arm around their shoulder. As a rabbi, I have seen in my own community how the small act of picking up the phone and inviting someone to come along to a Friday night dinner, or even just to pop over for a cup of tea, has the power to literally change lives.

And there is more to it than even that. Being part of a Jewish community provides far more than just companionship. It delivers an indispensable broader perspective on life itself. Like many British-Jewish communities, my own is blessed with an exceptionally rich diversity in terms of its membership. It is a mosaic of different personalities. But within the community framework, all those differences combine to enhance the overall atmosphere and experience for all.

Being part of a community, whether Jewish or otherwise, naturally provides the perfect setting to make new friends and establish relationships without requiring any daunting personal revelations of a sense of loneliness or insecurity. Through sharing life experiences and the joys of Jewish communal living, we are perfectly placed to help break the self-perpetuating cycle of loneliness. And above all, when we are part of a community, the way we look at the world is radically improved.

Next time you sit down to a Friday night dinner with the family, spare a few minutes to think about those who might be alone. Take a moment to consider those on the fringes of society, people who could really do with the warm embrace of a Jewish community at its very best. Find out whether your synagogue has a befriending project and get involved. Drawing in one or two more people at a time into the community has the power to transform the social fabric of our society. It is time we took the steps to help make that happen.