The most significant gift for a barmitzvah boy - The Jewish Chronicle

Last month, we had the privilege of celebrating our son’s barmitzvah. In the ongoing story of any Jewish family this is a really important moment. And, like many families, my wife and I found ourselves thinking a lot about the tremendous amount of planning we were investing in an event which would only last for a very short space of time.

It was worth every minute of course. To see your son read from the Torah as an adult Jewish man is incredibly poignant and one for which we are truly grateful to God.

Yet, for us, the most moving and significant moment actually took place 30 days before the barmitzvah. Moving because it represented the key connection he would now have with millennia of Jewish tradition. And significant, because it was the most concrete evidence that his barmitzvah was not simply a special day, but a moment of real change in his life.

Exactly 30 days before his barmitzvah, our son laid tefilin for the first time in shul. For the uninitiated, this mitzvah seems a little unusual, to say the least.

Every day, except for Shabbat and Yomtov, Jewish men are biblically commanded to tie leather boxes to their arm and head, containing scriptural passages central to Jewish faith. Of course, observant Jews do this because it is a mitzvah — no further reason is necessary.

Yet, considering my son’s first steps in practising this mitzvah during those 30 days made me realise just how profound a change it represented in his young life.

Traditionally, we start educating our children in keeping mitzvot from a very young age. As soon as they can talk, they learn to say blessings, for example.

Tefilin are different, however. Only just before his barmitzvah is a young man presented with his own pair, as only now can he be trusted to treat them with the appropriate dignity and respect. Most of all, it is only now that he can be expected to develop the level of maturity and that accompanies this special mitzvah.

He is expected to protect and look after an item of great sanctity, only just below the level of a Sefer Torah itself. Even more significantly, there is an expectation that from this day forwards, every day will begin with a half-hour wrapped (literally) in prayer and reflection.

Throughout those years, the new young Jewish man will be expected to always remember his tefilin — never to leave them on a bus and to take them with him (waterproof case highly advised) when camping in a waterlogged field in the middle of the Welsh countryside.

If he goes on an Israel tour, he will proudly wear them at the pinnacle of Masada, where one of the oldest pairs of tefilin in existence were discovered, dating back some 2,000 years.

Through the mitzvah of tefilin, we convey a vital message to this young person, just as he exits childhood. Jewish tradition presents him with a precious gift which represents the Jewish attitude to life itself.

Your future may take many different twists and turns, we say. No two life experiences are the same. Yet, whatever path you choose to take, accept responsibility for it. Just as the tefilin will call to you every morning and expect to be worn, come what may, whether you feel like it or not, whether you are at home, school, on a plane or in a tent — so, too, whatever you do in life, make sure you take responsibility for your actions. Live a life of meaning, of thought and of consideration for others.

Barmitzvahs are indeed major milestones. But the simple act of laying tefilin for the first time represents the real change in the young man’s life. Yesterday, you were a child, whom others had responsibility for. Today, you are a man, responsible for others.

Enjoy the freedom that young adulthood brings, the tefilin say. But every day of your life, make sure that sense of responsibility guides and shapes the decisions you take. Because that is what being Jewish is all about.

 Yoni Birnbaum is the rabbi of Hadley Wood Synagogue