After years of hair-tearing frustration with the crap cable, and even crapper customer, 'service' provided by HOT Israel, I am finally – following numerous broken promises (to myself) – doing something to disengage from the bastards: I am connecting my newly renovated apartment with HOT's satellite competitor, yes.
I had, originally, again ordered HOT – a technician was due at the apartment last Tuesday – because, as well as being reactionary (I still use a paper diary), it offers a convenient television/internet/telephony "triple", I am used to navigating its TV channels, and can rarely pass up on a deal (it is currently running a Samsung Tablet promotion).
But after receiving, in the days following the order, half a dozen calls from HOT customer service incompetents enquiring why I hadn't yet ordered, and then a chance, elated call from a friend, Hanna, who had just switched to yes, I decided to follow her lead . . .
I called HOT on two separate occasions to cancel the order, but neither "Linoy" nor "Mohammed" could locate it against my name, address, telephone or ID numbers. And, entirely true to form, on Tuesday afternoon – the day on which the technician would have been due – I received an sms informing me that one would be visiting the following (i.e., Wednesday) afternoon. I called once more to cancel . . . but "Oshrit", too, could not find any record of the order in HOT's 'system'.
There must, however, be some communication at HOT – at least when they are about to lose another 300-plus-shekel-a-month customer – because, early on Wednesday morning, Natanel, the agent with whom I had closed the original order, called to enquire why I didn't wish to proceed with it.
"If you are asking," I said, "I will tell you." And I proceed to go through my HOT List . . .
* HOT's automated system still, after six years, doesn't recognise my telephone number;
* HOT's customer service representatives are still convinced that I live on Melchett, even though I sold my apartment there six months ago;
* I live at number 4, not at number 10 (in the same way that, on Melchett, I lived at 31, not 3);
* Natanel did not disclose, in his original call, the 300 shekel connection fee;
* I was thoroughly pissed off by the repeated, misinformed calls after the order had already been closed;
none of HOT's customer service reps could find evidence of the order; and
* even the date agreed for it was recorded erroneously.
Natanel's response? To tell me that my complaints were nekudatiyot me'od (very specific), that I shouldn't get pissed off so quickly, and, wait for it . . . to ask: "Aren't you grateful to HOT when watching television programmes that you enjoy?"
I replied that I did very much enjoy the English football, but that I could also watch that on yes. And, ignoring his second point (which may actually have something to it), I once again went through my HOT List.
"It is one hundred percent impossible," said Natanel, "that a rep could not find the new order."
"Well, it is one hundred percent something," I replied, "because three out of three couldn't!"
And, while I could not disagree with Natanel's contention that no customer service is perfect, I informed him that HOT's was by far and away the worst that I have ever had the misfortune to experience, with not a single call passing without some degree of irritation, aggravation or annoyance.
With a sigh of resignation, the admirably persistent (and intelligent, for a HOT employee) salesman enquired,"Is there anything I can do that will make you reinstate your order?"
"No," I answered – knowing that the free months that sprung to mind were a non-starter – with no little satisfaction.
Natanel abruptly terminated the call.
And while I am not fooling myself that there won't also be issues with yes – this is Israel, after all – deserting HOT has accorded me both much-needed therapy and sweetish revenge.