Secret Shul-Goer No 28: Shir Hayim

Size of Community: 50-99 member households

Last year, I read a fascinating article about a children’s nursery that opened in an old age home. It was the first of its kind in the UK, although apparently ‘intergenerational care’ is fairly well established in parts of Europe and the Far East. According to the article, toddlers and the elderly both thrive when they are cared for together, in the same space.

I was reminded of that article when I visited Shir Hayim, with my young daughter. She’s no longer a toddler, but there are a good six decades age difference between her and the rest of the congregation. My recollection of that article was heightened by the fact that Shir Hayim meets in a building that is home to a pre-school nursery during the week. You can imagine the high-pitched squeals of delight when she saw the gigantic pink-turreted princess castle in the garden of the shul. The handful of regulars, all of them rather elderly, were less excited; a couple of them mistook her screeching for a hearing aid malfunction, and started fiddling with their ears to stop the whistling.

To be honest, we had arrived at Shir Hayim on a whim. I had planned to visit a different synagogue that morning, but it was only as I was about to leave the house that I spotted a message on the website, asking visitors to notify the office in advance, and stating categorically that without pre-notification, visitors would NOT be admitted. In a panic, I did a quick google search for Reform synagogues that didn’t require pre-booking, and that led me to Shir Hayim. Their website informed me that their services are ‘a joyous affair’, and that ‘we warmly welcome all visitors’.

Within minutes of arriving at the synagogue I was able to confirm that their claim was correct. We had been at the synagogue for less than five minutes when one of the female congregants introduced herself to my daughter, gave her a huge bag of dried flowers, and asked her if she’d like to help decorate the Succah. My daughter was delighted, and I was touched by the warmth of the gesture. In fact, this was not the only invitation offered to her to participate; during the service she was invited to undress and re-dress the Sefer Torah, which she did with great enthusiasm. I was also invited to recite a blessing during the Torah reading.

Now, if I was minded to be cynical, I might suggest that these invitations to participate are due to the fact that Shir Hayim needs all the help it can get. There were only ten people present. Of those, two were my daughter and me, and another two were the visiting service leader, who travels the length and breadth of the country leading monthly services for small or far-flung Reform communities, and his wife. Leaving a grand total of six regulars. It would be rude to describe the congregation as old, but I think I’m right in suggesting that they were, shall we say, ladies and gentlemen in retirement.

I admit that this surprised me, because the first image that greets you on the Shir Hayim website is a photo of a packed synagogue garden, full of smiling faces of all ages. In fact, when I mentioned this to the wife of the service leader, she told me that the website is rather out of date. She’s not wrong. It still lists the synagogue’s rabbi as Rabbi Larry Tabick, even though he retired back in December 2017. So an urgent update of the website is probably in order.

But there were some elements of the website that were absolutely correct. It promises a warm welcome, and we certainly received that. And it describes the style of service as one in which the entire community joins in the singing of the prayers. This was certainly the case. Despite the very low numbers, everyone joined in when the prayers were sung, and the singing was really very lovely. There was even one moment when a woman sitting in the corner asked if anyone would mind if they sang a particular verse that the service leader had skipped over. The assembled congregants immediately burst into a rousing rendition of a tune, complete with harmony and a chorus sung in a round.

The rest of the service was easy to follow, with regular page announcements, and the occasional English reading taken from the collection of passages at the back of the Siddur. The kiddush at the end of the service was perfect for the time of year and the small numbers. Some honey cake, hummus and crackers, ginger biscuits and, taken out of the cupboard especially for my daughter, a bag of crisps.

While I spoke to the visiting service leader, a female congregant chatted to my daughter, asking her about school and whether she had any brothers or sisters. There’s no escaping the fact that, on the morning of our visit, Shir Hayim was a very small gathering. But the warmth of the welcome made up for the low numbers and, as my daughter’s new friend wrapped an extra piece of honey cake for her to take home to her sister, I thought about the number of times I have stood completely unnoticed in large communities, and here was a member of a tiny community, wrapping up some kiddush cake for someone who wasn’t even there. If this is what they mean by the benefits of intergenerational bonding, I think I’m sold.

 

Warmth of Welcome 4*

Decorum 4*

Service 3*

Kiddush 3*

 

Read our first 27 reviews, of Anshei Shalom, shul on a ship, St Albans Masorti Synagogue (SAMS), Muswell Hill Synagogue, Bushey United Synagogue, Edgware and Hendon Reform, Cockfosters and North Southgate, Finchley Reform, New London Synagogue, Hampstead Garden Suburb Synagogue, West London Reform, Radlett United, Kol Nefesh Masorti, Wimbledon Reform, St John's Wood Liberal, Dunstan Road, Lauderdale Road, Lubavitch of Edgware, Oxford Jewish Congregation, Kinloss, Brighton and Hove Reform Mill Hill United, Ilford, Shomrei Hadath, Woodside Park, Alyth and Barnet United. And read her end-of-year awards for 2017 here.

 

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