They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!” We’re all familiar with Alan King’s famous summary of the Jewish holidays. But in a couple of weeks we will be commemorating a very different festival. Tisha b’Av is a fast day: a day of mourning for the destruction of the temples in ancient Jerusalem.
During these weeks we will also be remembering other Jewish tragedies that coincide with this time of year. Many Jews observe laws of mourning such as not having haircuts or shaving during this sad time. Yet, amid the atmosphere of grief and mourning, this is a period in the Jewish calendar when I start feeling like a palaeontologist; trying desperately to connect with the past but then wondering whether I’ve become stuck there. This time of year makes me think about my relationship to the past in general and how much of it I bring with me into my present life.
As a therapist, the influence of the past is a common theme. In the past few months, sadly, I have met many families who are dealing with significant loss due to the coronavirus pandemic. These losses range from having relatives who have passed away, to the loss of health, livelihood, social interaction, routine and stability. Today, wherever we stand, when we look around we see loss. At this stage it is still too early to see what the end might look like. It is too uncertain for any reassurances. But I have noticed many families still feel the frustration of wanting to return to normal, to a time in which the pandemic will be history and we can all move forward with our lives.
Moving forward brings with it a sense of relief, of speed and of being productive. Why wouldn’t everyone want to wholeheartedly embrace the future with little more than a nod to the past on the way out?
