Jeremy Corbyn as Mayor of London, best idea ever

Anyway, to the Forde Inquiry, which was published during the heatwave, meaning all the usual Corbyn outriders coped with the 40 degree temperatures by taking to – yes – Twitter and insisting their man had been vindicated. At worst, they conceded, “both sides” (meaning Labour’s far left and the rest of the party) were responsible for the factionalism and dysfunction within Labour. I can only assume none of these people had actually read the report, because it’s hard to see how they could read conclusions like “there is enough evidence of direct intervention in antisemitism cases [by Corbyn], most notably in relation to cases which involved allies of Jeremy Corbyn” and “the operation was unstructured and at times chaotic , with a reluctance on the part of Jeremy Corbyn himself to make and communicate unequivocal decisions”, and then think: “Yes! Our man has finally been recognised as the political genius and secular saint that he is!”

But I guess it was this kind of “up is down and left is right” thinking within the Corbyn camp that made that whole era such a trip. After all, according to a Jewish Chronicle survey in 2018, more than 85 per cent of British Jews believed that Corbyn was antisemitic. This didn’t stop any of his followers or media cheerleaders from insisting that Corbyn was a champion of minorities. Well, he certainly motivated a lot of heretofore relatively quiet progressive British Jews to stand up and tell him and the rest of his momzers, shtunks and gonifs to get stuffed. So thanks for championing us in that direction, Jez.

I’ve called every election wrong since the 2016 referendum, so while I wouldn’t dare rule out a return of President Trump and Prime Minister Johnson, I feel pretty safe in saying there will never be a Mayor Corbyn. And if there is, I’ll be calling up a few estate agents in Manchester.