I never felt part of the Jewish community. Since October 7 that’s all changed - The Jewish Chronicle

Being among big groups of Jews used to terrify me. Even when I went to look around a Jewish school with my eldest son a few years ago, I had those familiar and perhaps contradictory feelings of both claustrophobia and being left out.

Everyone seemed to know each other. I was too busy hiding from those I did recall. My kids don’t go to Jewish school.

I grew up in north London, the bosom of British Jewish life, but never completely felt part of it. My family was intensely secular – although officially we were members of a shul, which we occasionally visited on Yom Kippur. We had challah on a Friday night but also a big Christmas tree and prawns in the fridge. I was a shy child and never joined a Jewish youth movement. Occasionally I would go to Carmelli’s on a Saturday night with a Jewish school friend – as Jewish kids did in those days – and we would feel like outsiders looking in at the air kisses.

And then October 7 happened. It happened to Israel but it happened to each of us in the diaspora too.

There are few British Jews who haven’t lost friends since Israel was attacked by a terrorist organisation – when we found ourselves being attacked too for sympathising with other Jews. I was accused of “drinking the Kool Aid” when I berated one acquaintance for parroting Hamas propaganda. Mostly I noticed the silence even as I was spending every day interviewing victims of the attacks, families of hostages and documenting the rise of antisemitism.

Writing about antisemitism for a national newspaper drew lots of amazing comments from strangers on social media platforms, who told me “we are with you”, but often nothing from those who were my closest friends. That silence was deafening.

But now I have some wonderful new friends, and have grown closer to old ones. And suddenly, I am part not just of one Jewish community but dozens. And I surprise myself by feeling totally at home.

October 7 and the world’s reaction to it – those parties on the streets – made us feel isolated as well as bereft. But it has also given us something special too. Our community is stronger for it.

I know I am not alone here. I asked a few of the many WhatsApp groups I am on – “Have you lost friends but found them since October 7?”

These were some of the reactions: “I’ve lost all but one of my friends. After I posted about the atrocities of October 7 on social media I was met with a torrent of abuse or silence. But then I found a group of Jewish activists and through them I’ve gained a whole new group of friends. We celebrate birthdays, I join them for Jewish festivals. I have even been invited to the wedding of the son of a new friend. I feel like I’ve found my people and they are better friends than I had before.”

Another: “I’m a single mum and the mother of a SEN boy. I lost about 90 per cent of my friendships because the first to turn against Israel were the ‘kind’ people who are likely to be around families living with a disability. At that time.

“I had hardly any connection with Jewish people but gradually I found a community and it literally saved me from palpable isolation. I now have friends who understand the pain, sadness and worry for Israel and the hostages, the grief.”

A third: “Since October 7 I’ve felt more Jewish than I have in a long time. I was added into a Jewish group chat and at first it was just this lively online space – full of humour, anger, vulnerability, solidarity. Eventually, I got to meet a few of the people in real life and they welcomed me into a community I didn’t know I needed.”

It is 18 months since our world was turned upside down. We are battered and emotionally bruised but we know we can lean on each other. We are not alone; we are a community. And that feels very powerful.

Nicole Lampert is a JC columnist

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October 7