A Jewish mother who tried to cope with the grief of losing her first-born by creating a charity to help others in the same situation will lead 20 other bereaved parents on a retreat this weekend to a “safe space” to mourn their lost babies.
Jennifer Reid and her husband Chris have raised money to fund an overnight stay at St Katharine’s Parmoor, a country mansion near Henley where parents will remember their children through creative writing, yoga, meditation and mindfulness, as well as group therapy sessions.
“We could find nothing like it in this country to help us get over the death of Eddie,” says Ms Reid, who adds she was “desperate for a safe haven to talk about our loss” after their son, born healthy in January 2014, died three months later from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
“No explanations were ever given, and nothing can prepare you for baby loss. I felt terrible guilt wondering if it was something I did,” says Ms Reid, who grew up attending Highgate Synagogue with her family.
Another Jewish mother, neighbour Alice Olins Pullen, who had suffered a stillbirth a few years earlier, offered the comfort Ms Reid says it’s only possible to get from another bereaved parent: “Although our losses were different, we had both lost a child and our future. Alice had gone on to have two more children and represented hope for me — if she was able to go on to live a life after loss, I could too.”
Despite “wonderful” counselling, Ms Reid says: “It’s only parents in the same situation who really know what you are going through. We felt we were losing our minds until we talked to them and found everything we were feeling was perfectly normal.”
Within six months of Eddie’s death, the couple formed a charity, Teddy’s Wish, to support the victims of stillbirth and neonatal death as well as SIDS.
Feeling strongly it was important to meet other mourning parents in a place where they could focus on their grief free of the distractions of daily life, the couple launched their first weekend in 2016, funding it with the help of another charity.
“Now we are funding this annual retreat solely through Teddy’s Wish,” says Ms Reid, who will welcome guests to workshops led by Jenni Thomas, the founder of Child Bereavement UK who was the Reids’ own counsellor, and Nicola Whitworth, founder of the charity SLOW (Surviving the Loss of Your World).
The retreat leaders interview all who apply for the all-expenses-paid places at the beginning of the year, “and as we had more applications than we had places for this year, our goal is to raise enough money to fund two retreats a year,” says Ms Reid, now mother to Ollie, three, and Chloe, nearly two.
