At first, I thought I had been the victim of an elaborate hoax, and I still hope I might be, but it’s all turning out to be horribly true.

This week it was announced that Bob Dylan is releasing a Christmas album, Christmas in the Heart. It’s all in a noble cause – the proceeds are going to feed the hungry in the USA and beyond.

But after hearing a YouTube preview featuring the great bard croak his way through such seasonal favourites as Here Comes Santa Claus, Winter Wonderland and Come All Ye Faithful,

I concluded I’d rather stick my head in a bowl of calf’s foot jelly.

Let’s hope the line he sings, “Everyone knows a turkey”, doesn’t prove prophetic.

Next year Chuck Berry does, “I have a little dreidel”...