‘Sexual assault can take place in our community. So let’s break the silence’

It can be hard to accept that something as terrible as sexual assault could ever take place within our loving, supportive Jewish community. But abuse can happen anywhere.

A young woman victim has now decided to waive her anonymity – both to shine a light on the fact that sexual abuse exists in the Jewish community as it does in any other, and to encourage other women to speak out.

In telling her story to the JC, Nathalie Freedman, 27, hopes to prevent it from happening to others. She hopes that reading about another victim’s experiences can give people the courage to open up sooner – and know that it’s not their fault. “Even if it’s difficult, it’s the right thing to do,” she says. “There are some horrible people in the world and if people feel like they are strong enough to say something, then some of these people can be stopped.”

Nathalie was abused at home by a family friend in 2015, while her parents were in the house. It took her nine years to get justice; last year, her abuser, Kevin Lewis, was sentenced to 80 hours of community service and placed on the sex offenders’ register for five years.

She had known Lewis since she was a baby. The best friend of her father since they were 18, he was so close to the Freedman family that he visited her in hospital when she had just been born. Nathalie recalls how when she was 17, she was on the sofa in her living room when Lewis, who was round for lunch, sat down next to her and touched her inappropriately.

“My dad was at the barbecue and my mum and his wife were in the kitchen. I looked at him and said, ‘Why?’ And he said, ‘I shouldn’t be tickling my best friend’s daughter.’ Then I walked through to where we were eating, and he sent a message on Facebook Messenger saying, ‘Please, sorry.’ Maybe he was worried that I would say something.”

In November, Lewis was sentenced, having been found guilty of sexual assault on a female under Section 3 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 at Snaresbrook crown court.

Family trauma: Nathalie’s father (left, pixelated) with Kevin Robert Lewis, who was found guilty of sexually assaulting her at a family lunch party[Missing Credit]

The latest figures from Jewish Women’s Aid show a rising need for support. In 2024, there was a 64 per cent increase in women seeking help after experiencing sexual violence, and a 24 per cent rise in women supported compared to the previous year.

Naomi Lerer, CEO of Noa Girls, a UK charity that supports girls and young women through mental health struggles, says that it is “really important” when a victim shares their experience.

“When there is somebody who’s willing to come forward, it’s representing all those people who have experienced abuse, who aren’t able or maybe aren’t ready to take it forward, or there’s not strong enough evidence,” she says.

“They’re standing up for all those people. It gives people strength and hope to see that convictions can happen. It takes an immense amount of courage to be able to do that, and to be able to think about the benefit that it will have for all other victims, and the strength that it might give them to come forward, when they are ready. Hearing other people can be immensely helpful and encouraging.”

There can also be more of a stigma within the close-knit Jewish community, which makes it even harder for victims to come forward.

However, there have been improvements in this area, says Lerer, pointing out that people used to refer to cancer under the veiled title “the Big C”.

“Then we look at abuse, and we have made steps forward in a really positive way, but minority communities are normally behind the general population,” she says.

While there can be devastating long-term effects of abuse, it is the way that it is tackled afterwards by members of the community that can make the biggest difference to the victim’s recovery. It is important, Lerer says, that members of the community ensure that people are taken seriously and not made to feel like it was their fault.

“Then healing can really happen, and young people can go on to have really healthy and happy lives. What we’ve heard from survivors of abuse is it’s not always abuse itself that has the most lasting damage, often it’s the reaction to it.

“We have an incredible opportunity as leaders of the community, or community members or family members, when we are hearing about people who have been subjected to abuse, to respond in the right way. It’s sometimes about being able to see how important our role can be.”

Nathalie says she is “forever grateful” for the support she has received since she told her family about the assault she suffered at the hands of her father’s friend.

Nathalie believes that fear of how others would react to her revelation held her back from talking sooner. “I just didn’t know what to do. But people have reacted amazingly well. I’m forever grateful for all the support that I’ve had through this.”

Because of this support, she advises others who have experienced abuse to come forward. “I wish I hadn’t waited so long,” says Nathalie. “I would say, try and reach out to someone as soon as possible, or go to a charity that deals with this all the time and can help you. You might need some counselling, because your mind plays tricks on you, and doesn’t allow you to fully believe what’s happening.”

It is immensely difficult, and rare, for victims of sex assault to waive their anonymity.

The shocking – but more grave – story of Gisèle Pelicot, a French woman who spoke out publicly after she was drugged and raped by her husband who also recruited dozens of other men to violate her, has played a part.

“She is an amazing woman to be so strong and vocal. She’s truly inspirational,” says Nathalie, who lives in Essex. “Unfortunately, sexual assault happens to many people. It’s been a long journey, but now I feel so much better about it and I’m able to put it in the past.

“I want people to know that if I’ve gone for it, anyone can. I want to support anyone else that’s been through it. I’m here for them.”

Nathalie recounts the severe impact the encounter had on her life, and the shock and disorientation that she experienced.

“I remember thinking it was just a mistake. I would think, ‘There’s no way that happened.’ I just thought there was something wrong with me and I was imagining it.

“It was a really difficult, horrible thing. It affected my mental health a lot, but it also affected me as a person. There was so much of me being in my head, thinking I’d done something wrong. For years, I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about what happened. Now I’ve had a lot of counselling, and I know I didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t my fault.”

Nathalie, who suffers from bipolar disorder, spoke to her psychiatrist about her experience, and one of the doctor’s letters summarising her appointment was discovered by her mother late in 2021.

“I left it on my bed, and my mum picked it up and read it, and it said that I’d been assaulted by a family friend,” she says.

As the letter did not include a name, for a few months Nathalie’s parents tried to work out who the offender could be before sitting her down and urging her to talk. Reluctantly, she told them. “And they were really supportive,” she says. Soon afterwards, the family contacted the police, and the long process to justice started.

While Nathalie is grateful that her mother did find the letter, she believes that she would eventually have spoken up because of the “severe” panic attacks that she had started experiencing during the Covid lockdown due to the assault.

“I had to be careful of what I was saying, who I was speaking to. I thought I might be able to continue with my life with no one finding out. But then the panic attacks started happening.”

During Covid, the Lewis family would come round and sit in her parents’ garden. Nathalie would stay in her bedroom. “I wouldn’t be able to put my head round to say ‘hi’ because I was suffering so badly from panic attacks. A lot of the time they happened if my parents were even just speaking about them, or if I knew that they were coming around.”

Lewis now has a criminal record for life. “It’s now over,” she says. “I don’t want this to ever happen to anyone else again. That’s part of the reason I decided to go for the court case, because if I found that he’d done it to anyone else it would be terrible.”