A Jewish teenager who was diagnosed with a facial tumour is campaigning for more children to speak up if they are being bullied.
At six years old, Abi Marin, who is now 17, was diagnosed with a rare facial tumour and the resulting operations left her with facial scarring.
“Looking different from my classmates at such a young age was challenging, with stares and whispers becoming a daily part of life,” she told the JC.
To mark Anti-Bullying Week, Abi, a youth spokesperson for visible difference charity Changing Faces, has spoken out about how being bullied was a turning point for her.
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“The theme of Anti-Bullying Week 2022 is ‘reach out’, which I believe is the most important first step in rebuilding your confidence after experiencing bullying,” she said.
“I thought that when I was older, I’d be able to cover up my scars with makeup, but my eczema and the ways my scars are meant this wasn’t possible.
“Because of this, I looked different from my classmates, and this was difficult to accept. These feelings of being an outsider weren’t helped by the stares and whispers that I knew were happening behind my back daily.”
Abi, who attends Sinai Synagogue in Golders Green, also discussed how she did not originally believe she was a victim of bullying, as it was non-violent.
“When we think of bullying, we often picture violence, being intentionally tripped over, shouting, and name-calling. However, this is not its only form.”
She stressed that after asking her sister for support she “felt a weight lift” from her.
“Having someone validate my feelings, and put a name to what I was experiencing, was incredibly freeing,” she went on.
“People underestimate the impact that this niggling form of bullying can have. It’s constant and exhausting. It becomes hard to trust anyone because you think that maybe they’re talking behind your back too.
“I came to realise that confidence was the best way to deal with these silent bullies, and ‘fake it until you make it’ became my motto.
“You can’t always change other people’s behaviours, but you can change the way you react to them.
“Rather than shying away from situations where I could sense eyes on me, I started to own them, telling myself positive affirmations and giving myself confidence so the stares bothered me less and less.”
Abi has used Instagram to discuss her visible difference journey and said her “confidence continued to grow,” via social media.
“I’d felt very alone at school as I’d never come across anyone else with a visible difference like mine, but I found a whole community of people like me online.”
She cited public figures such as Nikki Lily and Katie Piper, who have often spoken about their experience with facial scarring, as among her inspirations.
She believes “education is the key” to helping change attitudes towards difference, and combatting bullies.
“Parents and teachers must teach their children and students that being unique is amazing and that it’s something to be celebrated, not to be used as ammunition for bullying. If we normalise differences early on, then bullying can be prevented altogether – no matter what form it comes in.”
