Life
Matchmaker: What happens after that good first date?
Some advice to keep in mind in the early stages of meeting a potential new partner
March 2, 2023 17:15
Some advice to keep in mind in the early stages of meeting a potential new partner
March 2, 2023 17:15As I near the end of February, and the completion of my 28 blind dates in 28 days marathon for charity, I’m curious about the next stage of dating.
Once the first date is out of the way and you enter the world of second, third, fourth dates and so on, it is important to keep things playful. It is also key to keep in mind your intentions and stay true to what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Here’s some advice to keep in mind in the early stages of dating a potential new partner.
1. Be careful not to indulge them with more time or energy than they are giving you. Relationships should be equal, and so by mirroring their actions during the early dating period it will allow them to take the lead. It is, of course, crucial to step out of this dynamic at times. And at some point, one of you have to be brave enough to address the relationship status so that you can take it to the next level or ultimately call it a day.
2. People tend to be on their best behaviour on dates (not everyone!). But don’t be fooled by the “all talk, no action” kind of daters. I’d be cautious of taking compliments at face value as this is an easy way for someone to impress you.
That’s not to say all people on dates aren’t genuine, but ultimately a date is an event. It happens, then it’s over. Some people sell the dream and deliver a nightmare so make sure you take time to assess each date before committing to another one. Essentially, there is nothing wrong with being sceptical at the start.
3. You do not have to prove to any person on a date that you are good enough. If you are a few dates in, I trust you’ve already done the inner work on yourself and so you know your self-worth and value.
Do not let someone you’ve romanticised make you doubt or undo the self-love you’ve spent considerable time building up. This is in tandem with maintaining your independence. You had a fulfilled life without them so don’t make them the centre of it too soon.
4. Stride the tide of being honest without forcing vulnerable conversations to happen. They aren’t always comfortable, but these exchanges help your mind and heart tell you what the other isn’t. And sometimes, talking about the real stuff can reveal a red flag or deal breaker, so you aren’t wasting your precious time and energy on someone that isn’t right for you.
The beginning stages of dating are naturally mysterious. The relationship status is spoken about more with your colleagues and friends than the person who you are actually seeing. Find your power in this by accepting it as an absolute part of the dating experience. It is all part of the journey to finding your person. There is comfort in the discomfort of not knowing what’s going to happen next.
Aimee Belchak dreamed up her own matchmaking business, The A-gency, in lockdown. She sets up London-based Jewish singles aged 22-36 years old on blind dates every month. Aimee has her own podcast, Yente Tells All, and she’s on Instagram @AimeeBelchak. Send her your questions at aimee@thea-gency.uk