‘I want to be the voice of the Orthodox’ - The Jewish Chronicle

On social media Eve Sacks can be seen doing 25 press-ups a day, often in the company of the puppy her family has just bought. When you meet her in person you realise that it’s not just about having fun with her dog. She is building up her strength for the struggles ahead.

When you meet Sacks, you immediately sense her incredible energy. She is an accountant, the mother of three, and she keeps fit in a way that some would consider compulsive. But, more than that, she has taken on the role of “guardian angel” for unhappy members of the Charedi community.

She feels that too many Orthodox Jews have been abused, forced into loveless marriages or simply trapped in a community where they are desperately unhappy.

I visit her at home in Hendon, where she was locked down with her husband Josh and their three children. Unable to go to the gym, she runs five kilometres a day and does weight-training. “I’m stronger and fitter than I’ve ever been,” she says.

Her home has become an important port of call for the large number of Orthodox men and women who are trying to escape the Charedi community. “I’ve got to know many people who are struggling to leave. Some of them are now my best friends,”she says.

“The Charedi community is like a cult. They have no means of getting away. My concern is about human rights.

“I’ve got two men coming to dinner on Shabbat. They have both left their wives and children because they want to leave the community. They are clever men, but they don’t know how to write a sentence or use capital letters and full stops. They were kept in ignorance, so they couldn’t leave the community.”

She regards many of the matches as “forced marriages”. The participants meet for only half an hour initially. They are then kept apart until the ceremony. “A woman is expected to have sex on the wedding night, with someone she barely knows.” Sacks says there is often little or no choice in the matter. “The families are insistent and the reception is often planned before the introductory meeting is over.”

Siblings are expected to marry in age-order — the oldest first. A woman who refuses to accept a match will be told that she is destroying the chances of her sisters. The system can have devastating health consequences. Mental health issues are ignored because they might affect the chances of a good match. And if the wedding falls through, participants can be shunned by the community.

“If the participants have genuine freedom to choose their own lifestyle,” says Sacks, “then I’ve got no issue with that. But often, this isn’t the case.”

Sacks grew up in a Modern Orthodox home in Glasgow and went to a Jewish primary school. She is a member of her local United Synagogue in Hendon, but usually attends the Golders Green Partnership Minyan. “It’s a more relaxed service, where women can take a bigger role.” She did the hagbah (lifting the Sefer Torah) at Rosh Hashanah.

Her interest in the Charedi started at university, when she befriended a Charedi woman. “I became attuned to the Charedi community. I suppose I sought out friends in that community. They seemed to want to tell their life stories — particularly if they felt alienated from their families.”

She’s had criticism, mostly online. “I get lots of Twitter trolls, saying that I’m a pig-eater or a self-hating Jew. I just block them. People rarely insult me to my face.” She points out that as a “proud Jew” she encourages people not to completely give up on Judaism. “Because of this, some people say that I don’t really understand their trauma.” That’s balanced by the thanks she gets: “Two ex-Charedi women contacted me before Rosh Hashanah. One of them said that I’d saved her life. Another said how grateful she was for my help.”

As an accountant, she is particularly distressed by the amount of benefit fraud she is told about. “Families are told by rabbis that it is OK to cheat the government. There’s a cash economy so people can collect housing or unemployment benefit.”

She says: “I want to be the voice of the Orthodox community. I want to help them and understand their mindset.”

She introduces me to two Chasidic friends. One 23-year-old man — a member of the Satmar sect — said he was being forced against his will to marry. “I just want to have a modern Jewish life,” he told me. He couldn’t save money because his father took his wages.

As part of his rebellion he visits the cinema and watches Britain’s Got Talent on his mobile phone. “I’m addicted,” he laughs, “I love it when Simon Cowell is being stupid. My parents don’t know I have the internet on my phone.”

What made him want to change? “The strictness seems excessive.” But he fears for the future. “I have seven siblings. If I leave the community, I won’t be able to see them.”

A woman with four children is another visitor to Sacks’s home. She wants her own children to have the education that she wasn’t allowed. “Women are moulded not to ask questions. If we drive a car, we’ll get a phone call from our children’s school, complaining we are being immodest.

“My husband can be called up by the rabbis, and made into an outcast. He could lose his job. My boys learn virtually nothing. My son leaves home at 7.30am and comes back at 6pm and he’s not allowed to play ball games or use computers. His education is almost entirely religious. Aside from an hour a day, lessons are in Yiddish. He speaks far worse English than I do.”

The woman struggles to keep up this life. “I do a brilliant juggling act. No-one knows that I hate the schools. On the surface, everyone is very friendly, but this is just a way of keeping you under control.”

Sacks is desperate to ensure that Charedi children get a full secular education.

“A lot of mothers want to get their children to do GCSEs and A-levels and go to university. I tell them to change to mainstream Jewish schools such as Hasmonean, where their children can get the qualifications they need.”

She thinks lockdown has been positive for some, as it has given community leaders less control. And she’s encouraged that Netflix hit Unorthodox has shone light on the issue.

She’s a trustee of the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance and has helped set up Nahamu (the word means “comfort”) a lobbying group, campaigning for disaffected Charedi people. Nahamu has met with the Home Office, the Forced Marriage Unit, the Department for Education and the police. Sacks is seeking charitable status for the group and is planning public meetings.

And she has discussed the issue with her father-in-law, former Chief Rabbi Lord (Jonathan) Sacks. “He’s been supportive, but doesn’t feel he can get involved,” she says.