In last week’s sedrah, Tetzaveh, which my son leined in shul for his bar mitzvah, Hashem describes in detail the clothing and accessories of the Cohen Gadol. (You’re not in the wrong section, that’s where this dvar Torah ends.)
It’s just that the theme felt rather apt given that one of the key elements of organising the bar mitzvah was indeed clothing and accessories.
It’s not that I think the outfits are of paramount importance, but people need to get dressed, and when you’re a family of five and there’s a Friday night dinner, Shabbat lunch and Sunday party — plus a Thursday morning call-up — that’s a lot of getting dressed to think about.
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Royal glamour: Kate Middleton (Getty Images)
If it sounds like I’m trying to justify the hours spent scrolling and buying and returning, well I guess I am.
No one wants to be the mum who cares more about the colour of her shoes than the spiritual milestone of her man cub.
But I reckon even the most pious of mothers could notch up several hundred hours coordinating dresses to shoes and shoes to hats, and then realise they’ve inadvertently skewed the spiritual balance away from self-reflection and more towards Selfridges.
If this resonates in any way, the good news is that I think there may be a hidden message in my son’s sedrah.
What Hashem is trying to tell us mothers, who have been charged with sourcing the garments to adorn our families, is that outfits matter. Or at least that, sometimes, outfits need focus — and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over that fact.
The commentators may have their own interpretation as to why there’s an entire sedrah dedicated to priestly clothing, but for that you’ll have to open up your Artscroll. Let’s go with this one for now, so I don’t feel guilty to admit that kitting out the family for this bar mitzvah has taken quite a bit of effort.
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The right shoes are a must (Getty Images)
I imagine it’s much like organising a royal tour — just with more people to dress and fewer staff to help.
But by the time you are reading this, it will be the era 7 pb (that’s seven days post bar mitzvah), which right now seems somewhere far in the distant future.
So much will have unfolded by then. Family will arrive, marquee will go up, sedrah will be leined, speeches will be made, loved ones will be remembered, tears will no doubt be shed, lifelong memories will be made.
And hopefully those memories won’t include me twisting my ankle dancing on my ten-inch heels, dribbling kiddush wine down the front of my cream Shabbat outfit or shredding the bottom of my full-length dress on the dancefloor.
Well, that all still remains to be seen, but what have I learnt from putting my family’s bar mitzvah tour-drobe together?
Having someone who is great at alterations is key. I’ve taken practically every single one of mine and my daughters’ dresses to my favourite dressmaker, Mihaela, who’s engineered each one to perfection.
Hemlines have been shortened and lengthened, necklines have been closed and lowered, waists nipped in and slits sewn up. For my daughter’s shul outfit, she even merged two dresses into one —adding an extra layer of ruffle to transform a miniscule mini into a just-about-acceptable one.
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Visit a real shop and avoid buying online if you want to make the right fashion choices (Getty Images)
Secondly, you’ll save time in the long run by visiting real shops. Even though I have spent many a late night browsing online, all the dresses I’ve ended up keeping are ones I’ve first seen on a shop floor.
And thirdly, most milliners don’t really get the bar mitzvah hat look, so if you take their advice you’ll end up looking like you’re off to the races.
Follow your own instinct when it comes to what works on the shul front row.
As to whether you should wear ten-inch heels to dance in; brave wearing cream to shul given the lethal combination of grape juice and hundreds of kids; or wear a dress that skims the dancefloor putting it in danger of being stepped on and ripped… I have no idea, but let’s hope I don’t discover anything conclusive on any of these fronts.
Sometimes you just have to go with what you love.
In fact, that may just be another hidden sartorial message in last week’s sedrah. After all, that jewel-encrusted priestly breastplate must have been quite the magnificent sight, but it also weighed a ton. So perhaps the point is that when it comes to clothing, if you want fabulous, you can’t always be totally sensible as well.
What got me through my simchah
Mihaela Alterations
In an unassuming shop front on Cricklewood Lane work two fairy godmothers of fashion, who can turn black bags into bodycon. Don’t attempt a barmi wardrobe without them!
07515 639 734
Sarah Field make-up artist
If you manage to get to the day before your bar mitzvah feeling truly rested and glowy then please share your secret. For everyone else, there’s Sarah – a make-up magician.
@sarahfieldmakeup
Uptown Events
I love planning the details of a party and and Adam and his team make it effortless and fun... and ensure it’s all right on the night.
create@uptownevents.co.uk
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Bar mitzvah blooms from Amber Rose Florist
Amber Rose Florist
If you think flowers aren’t boy-ish enough for a bar mitzvah, I’d like to remind you that you’ve been working hard for 13 years to get to this point… go bloomin’ wild!
Naomi Greenaway is the Deputy Head of Long Reads and Magazine at The Telegraph and lives in London with her husband and three children - @naomisamuelsgreenaway
