Now that the school holidays are nearly over, children are returning to school and many young people are leaving home for the first time to go abroad, on a gap year to Israel or to university.

When children leave home parents can have a mixed reaction. Often there is a palpable emotional wrench followed by strong feelings of loss, commonly called the “empty nest” experience.

It may seem counter-intuitive but even if parents are thrilled at the path that their children have taken and are excited for their future, they could still feel sad and low when they leave.

Empty nest is an example of contradictory emotions co-existing and these mixed feelings are normal. It is common for both parents to react differently and it is helpful if you can both open up to each other, listen and offer support during this time.

The empty-nest phase is complex as it brings with it the finality of the end of child-rearing years and ushers in thoughts of ageing and mortality.

Depending on your health and your familial experiences of old age these thoughts might be quite scary or trigger anxious feelings.

Some parents find it hard to let go and worry about their children’s wellbeing as well.

Rather than reaching out constantly to your adult children it is often healthier to honour the separation and to manage your anxious feelings in other ways. Journaling, scheduling extra activities, self-care and talking things through with friends are some ideas to help your worries settle.

Many describe this time as “bittersweet” as it brings with it feelings of emptiness and sometimes fear but also more free time and availability.

It is important during this time to not feel ashamed of the more difficult feelings but rather to give yourself permission to grieve the life that you have had during the child-rearing years.

Regardless of whether there is a positive reason why your children have flown the nest, it is still a huge loss to those left behind.

Allow yourself times to cry, to look through old photos or sit in your children’s old bedroom and feel nostalgic. You will usually find that these feelings pass if you give yourself time and permission to feel them.

Combine this with being proactive and filling your extra time with enjoyable and productive activities if you are able.

If paid work does not fill your time, there are many opportunities to volunteer for a charity that you believe in. In that way you will meet new people and feel good about making a difference in the service users’ lives.

Although not always the case, particularly in families with a more traditional set-up, the mother often feels the loss more acutely than the father during this time.

Empty nest can also coincide with menopausal changes, which can bring along other hormonal and mood changes too. The vulnerability of this stage is not often talked about but it is very real and many people feel it.

If you are struggling with sad feelings of empty nest, know that you are not alone and that if you reach out to somebody else in the same phase of life, the chances are that they will be able to relate to your rollercoaster of emotions.

When children leave home it is also a time in which the parents’ couple relationship comes into focus. Sometimes, parents realise that they have grown apart because they have been preoccupied with work and raising children and have not dedicated enough time to their relationship.

The good news is that relationships can be rebuilt and with some work intimacy can develop again. Talk to your spouse and discuss the ways in which you can spend time with each other and reconnect.

Many couples find it helpful to have regular, short dates together when you avoid speaking about the children or about difficulties in your lives, but rather discuss light, playful topics that build on reconnection.

If you are able, it is often helpful to spend some time away from home in different contexts, trying new activities as, when children leave home parents have to redefine their relationship and create a new dynamic.

Playing a game or finding hobbies you can enjoy together also bring back some connection and closeness.

Empty-nest feelings are mixed and can be difficult but if the sadness or anxiety gets worse or does not ease after a few months it is worth considering professional help.

A counsellor or therapist can help you reflect and process your feelings to come to term with this stage and to embrace the opportunities that empty nests bring.