What is friendship? The US election is now only days away. Its results will have major implications for the future of the US, Israel and the world. The US, UK and Israel share friendship. Churchill spoke of the “special relationship” when referring to the bond between Britain and America. Both countries have pledged their allegiance to Israel on the international stage. What does this friendship mean in terms of etiquette and how will it manifest itself in the future? And why, in the West, has Generation X increasingly chosen to invest heavily in friendships over family ties?
Aristotle identified three types: utility, pleasure and the Good. Friendships of utility are based on mutual benefit, where each party gains something practical from the other. Friendships of pleasure are connections formed around shared enjoyment or interests, such as a hobby or activity. Friendships of the Good, which Aristotle considered the highest form, are grounded in mutual respect and admiration for each other’s virtuous character and values. These friendships are rare and require careful cultivation and respect. Maimonides used Aristotle’s three types of friendship as his only gloss for the mishna in Pirke Avot (1:6) that teaches us to “acquire a friend”. Our sages recognised the imperative of good friendship as essential to life. The Talmud (Ta’anit 23a) states that life without friendship is like death and that a friend is someone who rejoices in your joy and weeps at your sorrow.
The “special relationship” holds a portion of all of Aristotle’s elements. It is utilitarian in that both benefit from shared intelligence, military cooperation and economic ties. Each has different advantages in the connection. While the “special relationship” is spoken of more frequently in the UK as a source of pride and geopolitical importance in aligning with the US, which enforces the UK’s international standing, the US uses it more pragmatically in speaking of shared interests rather than symbolism. The pleasurable aspect of friendship is shared in the cultural cross-pollination with members of all spheres of human creativity and productivity collaborating frequently.
Yet above all this, there is also a commitment to the Good. The US and UK share a staunch commitment to values such as freedom, democracy and human rights, which elevates the relationship beyond utility and pleasure. It secures it upon higher, eternal truths. This level of friendship, however, is also the most fragile. The nation’s leaders and government must not only voice these ideals but also ensure they are upheld and protected. Without this, the friendship of the Good will deteriorate and be reduced to pragmatic transactions rather than being bound by virtue.
It is through the sharing of values and ideals that both countries identify as friends of Israel. While it is surely utilitarian, as the position of Israel in the Middle East is highly valuable to the geo-political strategic interests of both nations, it is also an oasis of shared values in the region. This friendship is vital for Israel but it is also essential to the strength, thriving and prominence of Western values and morality. It is likely that the pragmatic connections between these three nations will continue regardless of the election’s outcome. But how will it affect the Good?
From the East, a grim shadow looms over the moral frame that has been the core of Western strength and vitality for generations; a strength that draws its energy from Judeo-Christian values. It has darkened public discernment between the wanton barbaric massacre of innocent civilians of all ages and the heartbreaking collateral damage of a war of self-defence. Popular sensibility has struggled to identify the difference between a country that seeks peace and freedom for it and the world and a population that consistently teaches, facilitates and praises violence and death as great virtue. The US and UK stand together and as friends of Israel because they recognise in her common humanity, shared values and the Good. These bonds transcend the transactional and reach the higher truths that, for all of human history, have proven to prevail, albeit not without great struggle and immense sacrifice.
It has been said that “friends are the family you choose”. It would seem that Generation X has espoused this ideal quite seriously, with good reason. We cannot build a virtuous world relying only on familial and tribal bonds. If we are to become a virtuous global society, our bonds must be based on friendships of the Good; on shared virtue. We need each other and we always will! But our deepest and most important bonds must have at their core the Good. For the Good is, and always will be, thicker than blood.
Rabbi Dweck is the senior rabbi of the S&P Sephardi Community of the UK
