What is friendship? The US election is now only days away. Its results will have major implications for the future of the US, Israel and the world. The US, UK and Israel share friendship. Churchill spoke of the “special relationship” when referring to the bond between Britain and America. Both countries have pledged their allegiance to Israel on the international stage. What does this friendship mean in terms of etiquette and how will it manifest itself in the future? And why, in the West, has Generation X increasingly chosen to invest heavily in friendships over family ties?
Aristotle identified three types: utility, pleasure and the Good. Friendships of utility are based on mutual benefit, where each party gains something practical from the other. Friendships of pleasure are connections formed around shared enjoyment or interests, such as a hobby or activity. Friendships of the Good, which Aristotle considered the highest form, are grounded in mutual respect and admiration for each other’s virtuous character and values. These friendships are rare and require careful cultivation and respect. Maimonides used Aristotle’s three types of friendship as his only gloss for the mishna in Pirke Avot (1:6) that teaches us to “acquire a friend”. Our sages recognised the imperative of good friendship as essential to life. The Talmud (Ta’anit 23a) states that life without friendship is like death and that a friend is someone who rejoices in your joy and weeps at your sorrow.
The “special relationship” holds a portion of all of Aristotle’s elements. It is utilitarian in that both benefit from shared intelligence, military cooperation and economic ties. Each has different advantages in the connection. While the “special relationship” is spoken of more frequently in the UK as a source of pride and geopolitical importance in aligning with the US, which enforces the UK’s international standing, the US uses it more pragmatically in speaking of shared interests rather than symbolism. The pleasurable aspect of friendship is shared in the cultural cross-pollination with members of all spheres of human creativity and productivity collaborating frequently.
Yet above all this, there is also a commitment to the Good. The US and UK share a staunch commitment to values such as freedom, democracy and human rights, which elevates the relationship beyond utility and pleasure. It secures it upon higher, eternal truths. This level of friendship, however, is also the most fragile. The nation’s leaders and government must not only voice these ideals but also ensure they are upheld and protected. Without this, the friendship of the Good will deteriorate and be reduced to pragmatic transactions rather than being bound by virtue.
