Rockey is 81 years old. Born in South Africa, she lives in Finchley and is married to Norman and has three daughters. She has a lifelong passion for music. Rockey also has dementia and began asking to go to shul.
As this disease progressed it became harder for her to connect to traditional services: shul became a challenge for her and her family.
Rockey is my mother and I became determined to create a Shabbat-style shul service that could take place on a Sunday, to meet her spiritual needs and those of others also living with dementia.
A chance encounter with my co-founder Rebecca Corney, a fellow Kinloss (Finchley United Synagogue) member and a psychologist working with older people led to us developing and implementing our idea.
The aim was simple: to create a meaningful tefillah (prayer service) that enabled people to connect spiritually in a manner that was safe and familiar.
A place that my dad could attend alongside her that provided him with warmth and support. Called “Shul for the mind”, “services” are led by the formidable Rabbi Yossi Fachler, acting minister of the New West End synagogue. Every month we come together to daven, to sing, to laugh and reminisce and finish with a kiddush and a schmooze.
The Alzheimers Society UK defines dementia as a group of symptoms that include problems with memory, thinking or language, and changes in mood, emotions, perception and behaviour.
One in 14 people over 65 develop dementia and this rises to one in six of people over the age of 80, a number set to increase as people live longer.
Barbie Goldfoot
Barbie Goldfoot (Photo: handout)
We identified Kinloss members and people in the wider community with moderate dementia who live in their own homes supported by family and/or professional carers.
They used to enjoy attending shul but are no longer able to. Some have difficulty with access on Shabbat, the length of the service is a challenge for others due to problems with attention, concentration and orientation; and for many an overload of noise can be distressing.
The pandemic means some people are more cautious about being in crowded public places. Bringing a loved one to services where there are many people can be very challenging.
The United Synagogue is committed to inclusivity as evidenced with its new inclusive siddur, Siddur Lakol and its inclusive bar and bat mitzvah guide. Nevertheless, we noticed that people with moderate dementia are not able to access traditional tefillah services so we hope “Shul for the mind” will fulfil an unmet need.
It is a powerful trigger for memory recall, bringing feelings of safety and renewed belonging, and improving the mental wellbeing of people with dementia and their families.
So far we have seven families join and together with young volunteers we are moved by the experience of being together in such a meaningful way. We have created our own bespoke siddur and it feels like the beginning of a community of belonging.
Feedback has been overwhelmingly positive and to witness people tapping their feet, smiling and engaging with the service can’t be overestimated.
Religion has been shown to be central to people living with dementia. Shul offers a familiar rhythm, an opportunity for reminiscence and an environment to foster feelings of comfort and spiritual and emotional fulfilment.
Our intention is that more families will join us and in time this could become a model for services that can be rolled out across our Jewish community as we work to make communities become “dementia- friendly” spaces.
A dementia-friendly synagogue service is a powerful expression of compassion, inclusivity and the values that underpin a faith community.
By making simple adjustments to accommodate the unique needs of individuals with dementia, synagogues can continue to provide spiritual support and foster a sense of belonging for everyone, regardless of their cognitive abilities.
Barbie Goldfoot and Rebecca Corney are members of Finchley United Synagogue
