Like thousands of others I am reeling from the sudden passing of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z"l. And like so many others I cannot profess to having had more than a handful of interactions with him personally. I knew him through his talks and his writings and yet I feel no less bereft than having lost a mentor or teacher.
This was because I, as a member of Rabbi Sacks's audience, felt like he was speaking personally to me. More importantly I felt that he was speaking for me. His words expressed the thoughts that I had not yet fully formed and then communicated them so skillfully to the world. In so doing, Rabbi Sacks represented what I stood for, even before I realised that I was standing.
Now that he is gone I ask myself: What do we do now? Who will speak for us? Who will represent us? Who will argue my case and defend me? Who will explain on my behalf? Although I have to accept that God has taken him because He needs him, I can't help feeling that we needed him more down here. He had so much more to say and to contribute. We grieve his ongoing commentary, shedding insight onto unfolding events. We grieve his present but we also grieve his future for which we all were hoping and expectantly waiting.
As a therapist, when I speak to clients who have recently experienced loss in their family I notice that, given time, the family dynamic shifts. Different members of the family pick up the roles and the responsibilities that the deceased has left behind. They may not fulfill those jobs very well, particularly at first. The void left may never be completely filled. But over time, the remaining family members band together and redistribute the essential tasks that are left outstanding in one form or another.
It may be too early to think about how to remember Rabbi Sacks or how to do justice to his tremendous legacy. However, I take some comfort in recognising that now that such an articulate advocate is no longer there to represent me, to speak for me, I need to start doing more myself.
Now that there is one less person to instill and to defend Jewish pride, I need to do so more often and with more confidence than before. We relied on Rabbi Sacks to do some of our thinking for us. We need to make sure that we do all of it for ourselves and others now.
And through Rabbi Sacks's writings and recordings we know that, even without him being here, we will not be doing so alone. For, as a member of Rabbi Sacks's audience, I know that his words will continue to guide me and so many others well into the future.
Chana Hughes is a family therapist and rebbetzin of Radlett United Synagogue.