It finally happened. It came late last night in the form of a text and an ominous bleep on my mobile phone. My very first stark warning, as a result of my Suddenly Single JC column, from a woman with whom I had the briefest of flings over a year ago. "I'd sincerely appreciate it," read the text, with the polite but firm air of a quietly grave teacher, "if you didn't discuss me or anything that went on between us." How strange. And not a little disturbing in its stern formality. I'm surprised she didn't go all the way and start the text, "Vis a via our association" and end it with a nice "yours faithfully". It was enough to send a chill up and down my spine - and I've got quite a long spine. The lady in question even looked a bit like Glenn Close. Actually, that's a fib - she looked more like Glenn Hoddle, but you can see where I'm going with this. Straight to the local pet shop to hand back my bunny.