A very special moment in the story of a Jewish family comes when they sit down together to plan a major celebration in their lives. A bar or bat mitzvah, perhaps, or that long awaited Jewish wedding. But one important question they will need to address early in the planning, long before arguments over colour schemes or flowers rear their unwelcome heads, is whether the function will be kosher-supervised or not.
Should they spend the money on certified kosher catering, or simply opt for ‘kosher-style’ at best?
The dilemma itself is not new, of course. But the scale and prevalence of those choosing to put on a non-certified function has unquestionably grown in recent years within the British-Jewish community. That is a major cause for concern.
Here’s the obvious bit. Rabbis like to encourage Jews to keep kosher. One reason is that keeping kosher has long been the hallmark of a Jewish home. A kosher home has a much greater chance of remaining faithful to Jewish tradition in general. But when we are discussing a major life-cycle event, I think there are other significant reasons to argue for the preservation of fully kosher standards.
People are motivated in their Jewish life and practice by different things. Some feel the sense of responsibility that Jewish history places upon them. If their grandparents and great grandparents were willing to live lives of impoverishment in order to keep kosher then, at the very least, when making a public function they should go the extra mile to do the same.
Others are motivated by the present. They feel very strongly that inclusivity works both ways — and that they have a responsibility to be inclusive of both ends of the religious spectrum. They believe that it is worth sacrificing a little in order to be inclusive of the more religious as well as the less so. They do not rationalise that offering a plastic-wrapped kosher meal to certain guests will be enough. So, to ensure that those who only eat at kosher-certified functions can also happily attend, they get in a kosher caterer.
I suspect, however, that the greatest number are motivated neither by the past nor the present but by the future. They feel a sense of responsibility to preserve their faith and pass it on intact to their own children and they in turn, one day, to theirs. And such people also know that the most powerful messages — the ones children really listen to — are the ones unspoken, those we set by example.
On the wall above my desk hangs a poem, When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking, by Mary Rita Schilke Korazan. Here’s a flavour of it:
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I believed that there was a God to talk to.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked....
And I wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.
One thing we can be sure of is that the next generation of Jews will grow up and say, ‘they thought I wasn’t looking — but I looked.’ I saw what really mattered to them, how important Jewish tradition was to them, through the decisions they made and the priorities they set. Through the fact that they sacrificed other things in what was meant to be the perfect simcha, in order to ensure that it was kosher, not just kosher-style.
The upcoming High Holy Days traditionally grant an opportunity to make a fresh start. To take steps to make this year better than the one before. And don’t forget that kashrut licensing authorities such as KLBD (info@kosher.org.uk) offer a service to help people find the ‘right-fit’ kosher caterer for their function — including helping to make kosher catering as financially accessible as possible.
So, whether it is the pull of the Jewish past, the need for inclusivity in the present, or a responsibility for the future that motivates you, undertaking to make a fully kosher function this year is an outstanding opportunity to start the new year on a real high.
