In a typically terrific column, Alice Miles points out the fundamental flaw in Ed Balls' latest wheeze:But what will they chop up all the vegetables with? In the week that the Home Secretary admitted the Government is considering installing metal detectors in schools to catch kids carrying knives, the announcement of compulsory cooking classes has a certain La-La land quality about it. It's corruscating stuff:Well, while...[my daughter]... was gripped by...[Night Garden], I had been listening to the Northern Rock statement - and it suddenly struck me that Alistair Darling really didn't make a lot more sense than the Pinky Ponk. Something has happened to make this Government utterly surreal, its claim to be in control of anything pure fantasy. Look at us in the media: we can barely even be bothered to finish off a Cabinet minister such as Peter Hain any more. Because it wouldn't make any difference to anything. The Work and Pensions Secretary resigns? Uh-oh. Chancellor nationalises a bank? Oopsy-daisy.

And so it was that I turned on the television yesterday to see the Prime Minister's special farewell to Konnie Huq, the children's television presenter. Yes, the Prime Minister. In between his world tour and not appearing in the House of Commons while his Chancellor announced the effective nationalisation of a bank, Gordon Brown made a little film to commemorate the retirement of a Blue Peter presenter.

The Prime Minister appeared after Basil Brush, who is a stuffed fox, and a couple of comedians. “Thanks for everything you've done,” Mr Brown said to Ms Huq, with that strange television smile of his. “You've done brilliantly. Thank you.”

Tombliboo, you see. La-La land. Night-night.