I was a child on a camping holiday when I first heard the song by Smokie Who the f*** is Alice?
I was running feral with the other children up past their bed time when I stumbled upon a barn full of adults screaming the song at the top of their voices.
I was old enough to know it was the kind of language children weren’t meant to readily hear and young enough to find it positively hilarious that grownups would enjoy singing rude words really loud. Of course I spent the rest of that holiday repeating the line in front of my parents at any given opportunity.
Last week, I recalled that song. I was tasked with looking into the Labour party membership status of one Rachael Swindon, the nom-de-Twitter of one Rachael Cousins, well known on the site as a hard-left activist, Jeremy Corbyn’s greatest fan.
Why did the song spring to mind? Because really, beyond the bubble of Twitter no one knows who Rachael is. Why should they? But in 2019 agitators like Cousins, with her 76,000 followers, gained unwarranted prominence in national conversations.
Last week her account tweeted a list of pledges for the Board of Deputies of British Jews. Several demanded that the Board condemn and apologise for the actions of the Israeli state. It is no wonder that multiple complaints were made to the Labour Party.
Cousins should know that holding Jews collectively responsible for the actions of the state of Israel is racist and one of the examples included in the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance’s much-debated definition of antisemitism.
Her account later deleted the tweet. When Labour was asked about her membership, on the record no one would say anything. But off the record, I understand that it is correct to say that “Rachael Swindon” is not a member of the Labour Party.
The JC understands that Rachael Swindon/Cousins is not a member of the Labour Party. https://t.co/zXszSmL5Te
— Rosa Doherty (@Rosa_Doherty) January 15, 2020
What? If she is not even a member of the Labour why has she been allowed to act as though she is a spokesperson for it on the internet? Has she ever actually been a member? I’m told at some point she was, so when did she leave and why?
Of course it suits Labour’s leadership if this high profile mouthpiece isn’t a member. Another case of antisemitism that they don’t need to acknowledge or act on.
But let’s not forget that for the past few years they have been doing the exact opposite. During the election Cousins’ pro Corbyn tweets were shared far and wide. She once received a personal thank you card signed by Jeremy Corbyn. She was embraced by John McDonnell and Ian Lavery at Corbyn Live.
Twitter is fine when people are live tweeting Love Island. But otherwise it is too often polarising, abusive, childish and reductive.
For everyone who uses it to dispense wisdom, there is a much louder bunch of ego maniacs desperate for attention.
I look on people like Cousins mostly with pity. Her life is spent relentlessly word vomiting up to 60 times a day.
She’s not alone. The Jewish community has its own well-known Twitter addicts, who might feel happier and healthier if they deleted the app on their phones.
All these keyboard campaigners have in common is a tendency to pass around the hat, pleading for donations, Cousins even has a PayPal link in her profile. Twitter seems to be the beginning and end of their lives. Even though battles are never-ending there and the only way you win is by walking away.
I’m aware that this makes me a hypocrite, wasting words on people who are not worthy of our attention.
Maybe our collective 2020 resolution should be stop giving random people the authority to speak on behalf of what were once serious bodies, and major institutions. And perhaps we should all think about dropping out of Twitter altogether.
