The text I send is short and freighted with emojis: “I’m doing wet January,” I tell Fiona. “You free on Wednesday for G&Ts and catch-up?” Within moments “You bet” lands on my screen.
Ah, the beauty of great friendship. You get affection, humour, a shared disgust at the very idea of giving up booze for a month. And there’s no need for a long megillah when it comes to making arrangements. When I make work trips to London from my home in Manchester, Fiona is someone I always want to see.
She’s not an old school friend, a mate from university or someone I got pally with by a pool in Herzliya. No, she’s my sister-in-law. The wife of my husband’s older brother. As such, our places in the family we married into exactly mirror the status of Kate and Meghan in “The Firm”. The only (well, main) difference is that unlike the royal mechutanistas, we really like each other.
Our relationship is why I believe the Princess of Wales and the Duchess of Netflix have missed a trick in allowing the potential for a warm friendship to splinter. There are many advantages when your sister-in-law is also your good friend. You get all the benefits of a loyal back-marking pal. But, unlike all other pals, she gets the nuanced bits about your shared family.
How much better it would have been for Meghan and Kate if they could have understood this. If only they could have seen the potential for broiges and kept button-lipped about Princess Charlotte’s baggy bridesmaid dresses — and put the tantrums down to the stress of making a wedding. Or if they’d just done a little judicious self-editing rather than exchanging personal comments about hormones and baby brain.
In short if, like all things in life — and key to the sister-in-law dynamic — they could have picked their battles. Pressed pause. And reflected how the benefits of the big picture — that is preserving the relationship — was so much more important than the sum of its parts. Then things could have been quite different.
Sure, they have different personalities as well as diverse views on hugging. And, of course, being thrown into a made-to-measure relationship when it wasn’t your choice can be a challenge. But they could have made a virtue out of this. Not all sisters-in-laws have to be absolute besties. What you can do is open your eyes and heart to the potential of a really valuable and evolving relationship. Instead of focusing on differences, maximise the Venn diagram overlaps.
As spouses to Diana’s sons, Kate and Meghan will always share a unique experience. It’s a pity they couldn’t turn that into something really valuable. They’ve missed out on so much — not least a partner for boozing through January.
