Oh Dave, if only Jews really did run Hollywood! So do Jews run Hollywood, or what? As common theories about Jewish people go, I put this one pretty low on the Richter Scale of anti-semitism. Sure, saying Jews — or any minority group — run anything sounds a bit ahem, but if we’re going to be accused of running something, I’d rather it be the movies than, say, the financial markets. Hell, I’d settle for just running my local Odeon (first rule: more Nora Ephron, less Marvel).

This question about Jews and the movies was raised, again, last weekend, this time by Dave Chappelle on Saturday Night Live in his opening monologue. While referencing the Kanye West scandal, Chappelle said, “I’ve been to Hollywood and this is what I saw: it’s a lot of Jews. Like, a lot. But that don’t mean anything! There’s a lot of black people in Ferguson, Missouri and they don’t run the place.”

Now, I’ve always liked Chappelle. Like, a lot, as he would say. In the past year alone, I’ve seen him perform live twice, which is more than I’ve seen many of my friends. But his real strength is making an actual point after saying the allegedly unsayable, and he very much didn’t do that here. If you’re going to say Jews run Hollywood, which he clearly is -—  because in no way does he really think wealthy Jewish agents in Beverly Hills are comparable to poor black people in Missouri — then say it, and make an interesting point about it. Neal Gabler made such points at some length in his fascinating book, An Empire of Their Own: How the Jews Invented Hollywood, in which he describes how, in the early 20th century, filmmaking was one of the few industries in which Jewish immigrants could work and make money in the US, which explains the rise of Louis B. Mayer, and also Hollywood’s appreciation of good comedies.

So do Jews actually run Hollywood? It’s fascinating to keep track of how many professions we allegedly run — movies, hip-hop, banking, accountancy, law — because we are a pretty tiny minority. Some of us must be doing at least four jobs to maintain our hold on all these ese industtries: commissioning some blockbusters in the morning, rigging the markets in the evening, winning a few legal cases before going home.

But I think we only need to look at the movies to see that Jews clearly do not run Hollywood. Jews love movies featuring other Jews talking a lot (Woody Allen and Mel Brooks movies, in other words), ideally with plenty of scenes featuring people eating big meals, which is why we also like movies about Italians, who are Jew-adjacent. And I don’t feel we are exactly drowning in films like Hannah and Her Sisters or Moonstruck these days.

If Jews ran Hollywood, do you think an idiotic Holocaust fantasy made by non-Jews, like Life is Beautiful, would have been made, let alone won Oscars? And don’t even get me started on Taika Waititi’s Jojo Rabbit.

Anyone who claims that Jews run anything must not know any actual Jews. Put two Jews in a room and you’ll have three arguments: we can’t even agree on what goes in charoset, never mind what should be on Paramount’s roster this year. And to prove this, Harvey Weinstein (a very bad Jew) produced Life is Beautiful and Waititi is also Jewish. Worst of all, Steven Spielberg (a king of the Jews) felt it entirely acceptable to cast handsome Ralph Fiennes as Amon Goth in Schindler’s List; I  (Jewish peasant) believe this casting decision has caused some of us psychological difficulties ever since. If I’d been in charge of Hollywood, I’d have banned all of those movies. But I’m not, so I didn’t.

Case, Dave Chappelle, closed.