Since my own wedding, 10 years ago, I've had the honour of celebrating, as rabbi, almost 200 weddings. I've seen babies be welcomed into the Jewish covenant and barmitzvah kids become adults. I've celebrated long marriages, and sat on religious courts witnessing divorce. It's given me a certain insight into why and how people seek out a life partner - and what happens next.
I've celebrated and commiserated with those who come from strong nuclear families and also broken families and families full of anger. This web of experience has made me believe ever more strongly in the holiness and beauty of married life.
I believe the desire to stand before God, families and friends and, in the name of a shared Jewish tradition, commit to a particular kind of loving commitment is rooted very deeply - certainly I feel it myself.
This is why I support creating and supporting Jewish same-sex marriage ceremonies. This is why I am delighted the movement I serve, Masorti Judaism, is supporting its rabbis and member synagogues in choosing whether to perform such ceremonies both as religious ceremonies and also as civilly recognised marriages.
As a rabbi, a husband and a Jew, I cannot turn to a gay or lesbian Jew and deny them, in the name of the tradition I love, the strength I find in the ceremonies and rituals of heterosexual marriage. I know the halachah, but the answer to the need gay and lesbian couples feel for committed, loving companionship cannot come from a bare statement of Jewish law.
The desire to stand before God is rooted very deeply
I have some empathy for those who claim heterosexual coupling is "more natural," and also for those who claim children are best supported by having both male and female parents.
But having a male and a female parent is no guarantee of a loving supported environment for children.
Many of the same-sex families I know seem so attuned to the challenges of gendered parenting that these kinds of argument don't move me to seek to deny them the blessings of a religious ceremony.
The goal, for me, is to support Jews in finding a life-partner to love and with whom they can create a beit neeman b'yisrael - a faithful home in Israel. As the Torah teaches, "it's not good for a person to be alone".
