Whoever wrote the Ethics of the Fathers 18 centuries ago knew a thing or two about politicians. Twice they tell us to keep our distance. “Don’t make yourself known to the government,” advises Shemaia at 1:10. “Be wary of government,” warns Rabban Gamliel at 2:2, “they will only ever approach you for their own need and they’ll ignore you when you’re in distress.” This struck me as amazingly prescient. Whenever I’ve been called in to discuss arts policy, I have soon been made aware that ministers of all parties were listening only to what they wanted to hear, which I was never going to deliver. So, after a few numb meetings, I followed Rabban Gamliel and kept a distance of two metres and 1,800 years between us.
Now, however, government is invading my life. Let’s start with the Rule of Six, which Boris said would add clarity but actually varies so widely in Scotland and Wales that no-one knows what’s safe where. It’s not a scientific formula but a rule of sucked thumb that makes parents fret and children fearful, although nine-year-olds may recognise it fits so neatly between Enid Blyton’s Famous Five and her Secret Seven that it must have been devised by someone their age.
Still, it is not friendly. Priti Patel was asked what she would do if she saw more than six people sitting next door in the garden. “Quite frankly,” she replied, “I would call the police.”
Priti Patel has missed out on something pretty fundamental to neighbourly relations. Most were taught as tots never, under any circumstances, to look over the garden fence especially if the new people next door are chasidim, nudists or Tory ex-ministers. But Priti Patel knows no herbaceous borders. She is pushing Boris to scrutinise our hydrangeas. Already, the authorities have banned private rear gardens for prayer services. Soon, we’ll have stop and search on Hendon streets for a hidden siddur.
During the war, my strictly observant father was stopped once by a country policeman and asked for his identity card. Explaining that he did not carry anything in his pockets on the Sabbath, he invited the copper to accompany him home, where he could produce the ID and my French mother could cut him a slice of her special Sabbath cake. Had this been any other country, my Dad would have been handcuffed, put in a cell and held there for the magistrates’ pleasure on Monday morning.
But this is England, where we are reasonable about personal quirks and where a slice of cake goes a long way to preserving decency and good humour. Quite frankly, to borrow her phrase, Priti Patel is off message. Government has no business to be enforcing irrational rules in private spaces, especially a government that has yielded the highest Covid-19 death rate in Europe and now cannot provide us with virus tests to keep the country running.
Rule of Six is the least of my concerns. Have you seen the latest government “advice” on how Jews may perform High Holy Days rituals? Never mind reduced numbers in shul, distanced seats and masks at all times; we can live with that. But where and when we can blow the shofar? Only inside a synagogue and never in a park. One shofar blower of my acquaintance used to practise his tremolos in Regent’s Park, near London Zoo, drawing enthusiastic responses from the elephants, often in the same key. This year, the jumbos are looking sad.
As someone who, for half his adult life, has been privileged to lead services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I am aware of the halachic requirement for the chazan to serve as mediator for the prayers of the community. It’s a serious responsibility. Each word and every tune has to be delivered according to tradition, for the congregation to feel together and uplifted.
Enter Big Government. Chazanim are being told we don’t need to wear a mask so long as we are facing forward and that we are even allowed to sing. However, no-one else may join in. The congregation may hum but any who open their lips risk being hauled before the justice system quicker than you can say Priti Patel. Will a chazan have to look over his shoulder to make sure there are no inspectors in shul before he rouses the congregation to beseech the gates of heaven?
This is a time like no other in a year of uncertainty and great personal risk. Government has gone too far in regulating private lives. It needs to get out of our homes and gardens, back on to the grouse-shooting moors where the Rule of Six, mysteriously, does not apply.
