Yehuda Meshi Zahav was raised to be virulently anti-Zionist. As a member of Neturai Karta, he led stone throwing demonstrations against the police and people driving cars on Shabbat. He changed his ways after witnessing a terror attack below his Yeshiva and the way the responders cared for everyone, regardless of affiliation. He became accepting of non-religious Jews and grateful to the state. Two of his sons even served in the IDF. He went on to found ZAKA, the organisation dedicated to collecting human remains after terror attacks and ensuring that victims received a proper burial.

An award winner and role model, Meshi Zahav lit a torch for Israel’s Independence Day ceremony. Earlier this year, he spoke out against the disregarding of Covid restrictions by many in the Charedi community. He pleaded with his own parents to socially distance and wear masks, and lashed out at the failure of leadership when they died of Covid along with his brother. His organisation enabled thousands of Jews killed by Covid to be buried in Israel. For his work, Meshi Zahav was chosen to receive the Israel Prize this year, the state’s highest cultural honour.

But earlier this month, everything unravelled. A massive investigation apparently brought to light what it seems that many in the Charedi world already knew — and kept quiet. Meshi Zahav was accused of being a serial sexual predator. His victims are alleged to have gone back decades and Meshi Zahav to have used his position and power to coerce both women and men to do what he wanted.

When the allegations hit, many people, including myself, were devastated. I’ve been thinking about it since, and asking myself and discussing with others what we can possibly learn from this shock. Meshi Zahav had been one of the really good guys, an actual hero. It turns out, if they are true, that he was also a monster.

Can one be both a hero and a monster? As it turns out, yes.

Anyone who has studied the Bible knows that evil people have done good things. And heroes have done evil things.

Some biblical commentators work hard to deny this, seeking ways to explain how the actions of our forefathers weren’t really bad, how we need to read the text differently, or understand the real reasons behind the actions. They are uncomfortable with our complexity. Our fallibility. Our humanity.

But I think God has shown us our heroes in all their humanity for a reason. No one who has ever walked this Earth was perfect. And yet, some merited to speak with God, lead the nation and bring our salvation. The difference between those who merited to lead, become kings and heroes venerated forever vs those who stayed fallen? Acknowledgement. Repentance. Change.

There are some sins from which we cannot return. Meshi Zahav’s alleged crimes are those. He has allegedly hurt too many people. He has claimed that any sexual acts were consensual. If guilty, Meshi Zahav must be punished for his crimes. But we can use him to learn about others.

In this culture of instant judgement and cancelling people for a tweet, we fall into the idea that people are bad or good, racist or woke, hero or monster. But, this dichotomy is false. No one is perfect. No one has not sinned.

If we allow one mistake to define an entire human being, who would be our heroes? If change and learning wasn’t possible, what is the point of being human? Believing that the world is black and white is easier. It puts us on the side of right and the other wrong. But it also eliminates choice, thought, and growth.

In Egypt, the Jews were slaves, their paths handed to them. When to rise, how to work, when to eat, who to serve. When we left to become a nation, God set before us a new path, and while he gave us direction, God also gave us choice.

Living in grey can be scary. But it can also be liberating, if we understand that every moment is a choice between our best and worst selves. Sitting in that grey area is hard. It takes thought and discomfort. It takes bravery and humility.

It takes strength to acknowledge we were wrong and persistence to commit to do better. It takes compassion to forgive and integrity to choose right.

But this is growth. This is understanding. This is human.