There is much dialogue in the generation we live in regarding successful parenting and the appropriate relationship between parent and child.

The book of Bereshit is one of relationships, albeit uneasy ones. We have strained relationships between father and son (Isaac and Jacob), mother and son (Sarah and Ishmael), siblings (Cain and Abel and Joseph and brothers) and even husband and wife (Jacob and Leah). These episodes are for us to learn from and apply in our own lives.

We often expect children to be similar to their parents and are disappointed when this isn’t the case. One of the central difficulties of the parashah is how Isaac and Rebecca produce Esau. Couldn’t such righteous parents produce children loyal to their values and principles? How and why did Esau become Esau the Wicked?

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch (1808-1888) maintains that Isaac and Rebecca were responsible for Esau’s religious decline. For Rabbi Hirsch, the key words are “and the youths grew up”. This was the parents’ mistake.

Jacob and Esau grew up, together, in the same educational infrastructure. Jacob was a wholesome individual and the schooling system of his parents suited him and his needs. Esau, alas, was of a different nature. He was more animated and energetic and was not suited for the same educational system that his brother was experiencing. But his parents failed to recognise that and made them grow up together: one school, one system, one technique.

Esau was stifled and the natural reaction of being stifled is to burst open from those chains and forge a new, independent path through life.

Every child must be raised as an individual. Each individual child whose education has been entrusted to us — as parents or teachers — has a unique mission to complete and the practical means by which we are to guide each individual child to his or her potential are not the same. One shoe does not fit all feet. As King Solomon said in Proverbs (22:6): “educate the child according to his path”.

Our children are our saplings. Just as different plants need different types of food and varied amounts of water and sunlight, so too our children need different types of training and varied amounts of praise and love.