“ Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and attacked all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God...  Do not forget!” Deuteronomy 25:17-19

In the Shabbat before Purim, Shabbat Zachor, we are called to remember what Amalek did to us. According to rabbinic traditions, Haman the Agagite, the arch-villain of the Book of Esther, is a descendent of Agag, the Amalekite king that Saul failed to kill.

Reading on Purim week the decree to kill all Amalek, and linking Haman with Amalek, is designed to make us all feel better about the revenge massacre of 75,810 people described in the scroll. We are encouraged in Esther on this occasion to remember this turning of fate by “feasting and gladness, days for sending gifts of food to one another and presents to the poor” (Esther 9:11).

The later, rabbinic traditions that were added move uncomfortably in their chairs. Drink so much that you would not be able to tell Haman from Mordecai, the Talmud tells us; remember the time that you were murderous like Amalek.

This crossing of borders, this breaking of all rules reminds us that we too can be merciless, that once, when we stepped out of ourselves, indeed it was hard to tell the difference between Haman and Mordecai. We drink to relive that moment and to forget it at the same time.

This week’s parashah, by contrast, models another way to resolve conflicts, discussing guilt offerings, presents to be brought to the Temple for sinning. One who stole something for someone, who ripped off the poor, cannot just pay their way out by bringing an offering. That person should first give back the money to the person he took it from, and add a fifth.

It is not so much the repayment that moves me, but the face-to-face meeting with the person you have wronged; it is the exposing of oneself to revenge while asking for forgiveness. It is the moment of feeling the pain and humiliation of the other, and seeing your monstrous self in the eye of those you have harmed that I appreciate.

Putting these two options together, we are called to answer the question: who do we chose to be? In any conflict, this parashah tells us, what the other might do is their responsibility, but what we chose to do is ours. And ours is to blot out evil, both from without and from within.