The science of choice is fascinating – why do we make our decisions and what are those factors? In 2021 Seed asked hundreds of primary school families (from Jewish schools) why they chose their current school.

For 69 per cent, a factor was the Jewish education; 50 per cent highlighted general education; location was mentioned by 40 per cent and 20 per cent referenced friends.

Many parents invest dozens of hours into choosing schools for their children. Whether primary or secondary school, ultimately you are deciding what the next few years will look like for your child. Given the difference the schooling years make, the decision is formidable.

To set up the decision road map, let’s distinguish between two phases of decision. The first is basic fact-finding; what are the key differences between the schools you are looking at? By all means ask people, but beware of subjectivity — nothing beats visiting the school yourself (preferably during the school day).

The second phase is more difficult applying the facts to your situation; which school is best for my child?

One will also need to work the who – is your child going to have a voice? Are there any voices you need to “tone down?” Various well-meaning friends or family may not have all the information at hand but still voice strong views.

Next is the “oil and the engine” principle. Even though successful decisions focus on long-term over short-term, this principle tells us to beware of red lines. The engine runs the car, but the engine needs oil. Nobody notices the oil, nor is it the focal point. But it needs to be there.

When choosing schools, there are main key “engine” driving decisions — what is the best, most fitting school for my child. But there is also “oil” — these are the factors that are not necessarily educationally definitive, but they are pragmatic musts.

For example, there may be the most amazing school (on every level) two hour’s drive away, but it’s just not feasible to drive two hours each way. Similarly, if your child needs something urgent in the short-term (special attention, extra facilities) that they just cannot currently function without, even if long-term this will no longer be needed, the short term will have to be a central consideration.

What are the deal-breakers in choosing a school? What are the most important factors for your child? I stress the “for your child” because we often impose our own projections of our youth or our educational constructs and experiences on to our children. This may not necessarily produce accuracy — the world was different when we were at school, as our children love reminding us! We can’t be children but we need to enter our children’s world, to the extent that we can.

I’d like to underline one factor from in the Seed survey. This is friends, or a child’s social circle. Both Jewish texts and social psychology studies are awash with teachings and observations about the influence of the group on the individual. Children, especially, are highly susceptible to social influence. As Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler (died 1892-1953) put it, while each decision in life propels us one small step forwards or backwards, the decision of which friends one has propels us many steps, for it is through one’s friends that one filters values, ambitions and senses of norm.

When choosing a school, it is so important to take into account friends and social influences. What kind of students attend the school? Will they be a broadly positive influence on my child? I’ve seen many a parent choose a school that is perhaps less academically stretching but has a more positive social (and often religious) environment, to garner better influences on their child. I think there is a lot to that.

Rabbi Fine is education director of Seed