A simchah should be a day to remember and you should not feel guilty about a certain amount of self-indulgence. And yet... wouldn’t it be great if your big day could also be a force for good? Here are some ways to share the love.
1 Volunteer or fundraise beforehand
You could raise money for charity as part of your bar/barmitzvah preparations. World Jewish Relief is among those producing bar/batmitzvah packs. These inspire children to get involved with the charity by telling them about its work and include hints on how to raise money. WJR also organises bar and batmitzvah trips. It recently took a group of 11-to-15-year-olds and their parents to Zaparozhye, Ukraine, to see at first hand how WJR’s work is transforming lives in Ukraine. More details at worldjewishrelief.org/get-involved/barbat-mitzvah-giving
Chai Cancer Care is launching a bar/batmitzvah programme, Chai Mitzvah, in January. The celebrant can become a Chai Mitzvah ambassador. They will see Chai in action and learn about its specialised support services on a tour of a Chai centre in Hendon or Manchester. They will also create a fundraising event and set up a fundraising page for the Chai in Schools programme. At the end of the year, ambassadors will be invited to a Chanukah party with younger clients affected by a diagnosis in their families
Many young people have already raised funds for Chai as part of their simchahs. Joshua Rabin put together a soup cookbook for his barmitzvah, which has so far raised £2,000.
George Rosenfeld started a singing group, originally called The 4 Sons and now Kol Tov. Rosenfeld (now 19) and fellow performer Asher Levy say: “The group has combined two passions which all the boys share — for music and for charity. Over the past six years, it’s been about more than just the songs which we have enjoyed performing or the £57,000 which we have raised for our wonderful charities — it’s been about the power of bringing these two things together. That’s what our new name, Kol Tov, is all about — not just the quality of our music, but using our kolot (voices) in another way to share our central message: that you can take something you love and use it to make the world a better place.” The other members of the group are Noam Bernstein, age 19; Gideon Caplan, 19 and Rafi Levy, 17.
For more information, contact Danni Blumenblatt on 020 8457 3394 or email danielleb@chaicancercare.org
Jewish Care’s bnei mitzvah programme gives young people in years seven and eight an opportunity to get together, one Sunday morning a month, to learn about the organisation, while meeting people their own age as well as across the generations. Each session takes place in a different Jewish Care resource, covering a different aspect of the organisation’s work. Alongside talks, there are opportunities for participants to join in activities from games to arts and crafts or baking with residents in care homes. They will have a specialist session on how to communicate well with people living with dementia. One Sunday morning is dedicated to fundraising skills and encourages them to consider taking part in Jewish Care’s 10K Bnei Mitzvah walk.
Eliana Shaviv, a previous participant, says: “Through the programme I have seen what Jewish Care does from a different perspective and I understand the difference it makes to people’s lives. I have really enjoyed it all and wanted to do the 10K walk at the end to fundraise for Jewish Care.” Esther Gillham, Jewish Care’s assistant director of fundraising, says: “The programme is a great opportunity for young people to meet and volunteer some time to take part in creative and fun activities with older people and it gives them a chance to learn a little more about the work of Jewish Care. It’s great to see they are demonstrating their responsibility to the community at this important time in their lives.”
When it comes to the party and presents, a simchah donation is a great way for young people to mark their bar or batmitzvah. They can donate online or by post.
To find out more about Jewish Care’s next bnei mitzvah programme, which runs from January to June 2019, contact emma.nagli@jcare.org or 020 8922 2837.
2 Twin it
Bnei mitzvah can twin their simchah with that of a less-privileged child — or in some cases a child who was unable to have their own ceremony at all. This can involve talking about the twin in their speech, raising money for a related charity — or much more.
Twinning is popular not only for its personal teen-to-teen appeal but also because of its practicality. Young people who have recently started secondary school are likely to have a considerable daily bus journey, a full extra-curricular schedule and a load of homework and bar/batmitzvah prep. With twinning, the child is not tied down to particular study/volunteering times or field trips.
Many charities have twinning programmes. Jewish Child’s Day, for example will link your family with one in Israel or Belarus, where the bar/batmitzvah celebrant may have special needs, or be living in less-privileged circumstances. The UK bar/batmitzvah is encouraged to communicate with their twin and, if on holiday in the twin’s country, to meet them. Sometimes the whole family becomes friendly and the UK child may even attend the twin’s simchah. Money raised by the UK celebrant goes to fund anything from therapy and equipment to tefillin. Some twins become lifelong friends.
Max twinned his barmitzvah through Jewish Child’s Day. He says: “I live a very lucky life in the countryside of Wales. However, many children in the world are not so lucky. My donation doesn’t only help the child have a barmitzvah in this case, but they can improve their house, get a proper bed and much more. Just because these children aren’t as lucky as I am, doesn’t mean that they don’t want what I want. They would dream to have an iPad, a TV or even just a football. Well this charity is the way that a child not as lucky as me can get some of that. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are until we see the conditions in which some people have to live. I chose this charity so that I could make a difference and help a child in need and give him what he wants and deserves.”
Yad Vashem, the Holocaust remembrance centre, will twin a bar or batmitzvah with a child who did not have a chance to mark his or her own bar/batmitzvah because they did not survive. The boy or girl being remembered will share something with the child celebrating — a birthday, a name or place of origin.
Registration can be carried out online. A specially created study guide/kit is sent to the family that includes a brief history of the “twin”, a Page of Testimony from the Yad Vashem Shoah Victims’ Names Database and an official twinning certificate from Yad Vashem to be presented to the Bnei Mitzvah.
Yad Vashem offers another programme for those travelling to Israel to celebrate their bar/batmitzvah. This includes a special tour of the Holocaust History Museum and a twinning ceremony in Yad Vashem’s synagogue.
3 Locate to donate
Choose a museum, gallery or other not-for-profit venue for your party. The V&A, the Jewish Museum and the Science Museum are among those welcoming kosher functions.
4 Press for change
Kisharon’s print shop provides a professional, friendly printing service for all your simchah stationery, such as invitations, address labels, benchers, escort cards and menus.
5 Present and correct
You could simply ask guests for donations instead of a gift. Well, it seems simple — but one thing to bear in mind is how you are going to thank them. Anonymous donations may be the highest form of tzedakah — but guests (especially the older generation) do like to be thanked and it is only polite to do so. So do not just specify a charity and link guests to its home page. Create a Just Giving page, an account with a gift-list website such as Prezola or a charity website such as Good Gifts, or your chosen charity might offer its own version.
This method will enable you to see what has been donated and send thank-yous. Guests may (let’s admit it) be more generous if they know you are going to find out what they gave. And if they really do not want you to thank them, they can still donate anonymously.
It is not only simchah guests who donate, but often also the bnei mitzvah themselves, who make the decision to donate a proportion of their money gifts to the charity.
6 Give and take
Small take-home gifts and placecards are available from a variety of charities. These will inform your guests that instead of a take-home gift, you have made a donation to charity. For instance, as guests sit down to a three-course kosher meal, they might discover a card from Good Gifts informing them you have donated 50 bowls of rice to hungry children (prices from £6).
Items such as kippot and benchers can be purchased from charities and Fairtrade suppliers. At meketa.org.uk you can buy kippot, tallitot and tallit bags, with proceeds going to the Ethiopian Jewish community. Innovative kippot can be purchased from fairtradejudaica.org.
Packets of flower seeds are sold by a range of charities, including Cancer Research UK and Mind. Placecards with charity badges attached are also widely available.
7 Twice as nice
After your big day, donate outfits and props such as flower arches from simchah dancing to a gemach (a charity which will lend them to others holding a simchah who cannot afford to buy everything — ask your synagogue for details).
Bridal gowns can also be given to a charity such as Wedding Wishing Well (weddingwishingwell.org.uk), which organises weddings for terminally ill patients (ask your local hospice whom to approach in your area).
Still-fresh flower arrangements would be appreciated by a lonely neighbour.
Redistribution of leftover food is challenging in the UK, but if your simchah is in Israel it might be undertaken by the food-recovery charity Leket (leket.org). You could offset potential food waste at a UK function by donating to Leket or asking guests to consider doing so.
8 Go the extra mile
Incorporate a charitable element into your honeymoon or post-simchah getaway. This can be arranged through your chosen charity, or via a company such as honeymoonvolunteers.com
Planning a simchah of your own and looking for help? Start here — we have the latest listings for your event.
