The first days of university experience are guaranteed to coincide with the chagim. Thirty years ago, I broke my first student Yom Kippur fast on a sherry proffered by my tutor at a social for which I was already an hour late. I gulped it down, felt sick and had to leave feeling mortified.
Nowadays, as a principal lecturer with responsibility for some of my department's pastoral care, I can see that one of the benefits of a more diverse campus is that Jews no longer need feel an oddity for having different customs. Indeed, my experience is that, for Jewish students, the recurrent issues are just the same as for non-Jews. So here is my guide to helping your children help themselves to what could be the best experience - both from a secular and Jewish perspective-of their lives.
1
For most students, that old cliché of the "happiest days of your life" may still ring true, but that doesn't mean every day is a delight. The intensity of all that emotion, the rush of independence and being away from everything they've known means that this can be a confusing time. Plus they get to share living space with a bunch of strangers. Then there's freshers' week. Some students enjoy the booze and making a new best friend every night (some of whom they may never speak to again.) But, for others, the compulsory partying is unsettling.
Take the pressure off by telling them that it can take a while to settle in and that people lie about what a brilliant time they are having. Most have so-so days.
However, you shouldn't encourage them to turn tail. A few years back, at a degree ceremony, a beaming young man came and thanked me for all I'd done for him. I felt a sense of panic because I didn't recognise him. He told me that we'd only met once. He had come to me to ask me to sign his leaving university form a few weeks into the first term. He hadn't made friends and was struggling. I'd asked him to reconsider, suggested he talk to our academic support tutor and discussed joining a new society since he hadn't managed to get into the university team that he had wanted to. He enjoyed his next term more, had been on a life-changing year studying abroad and was now leaving with a good degree. It can take time but most people find their place in the end.
2
There is support out there for students - but they have to ask. At school, if you don't hand in an essay, the teacher will find out why. At university, if you don't hand in an essay, it's your problem. Independent learning is the name of the game. But there is plenty of back-up: personal tutors, counselling services, times when tutors are available for one-to-one consultations and career help - all of which students pay for through their fees.
But it is up to the student to access them. Whether it's difficulty with essay-writing or the death of a grandparent the university will help, but only if that help is sought.
One of the real improvements since my student days is how much support is on offer for students with disabilities from dyslexia to deafness (the government also provides such students with relevant equipment. See www.disabilityrightsuk.org/how-we-can-help/helplines/disabled-students-helpline).
3
Anxiety and depression are more common. Statistics from the Higher Education Funding Council suggest that the number of students reporting mental health issues has risen 132 per cent in the past four years. Possible causes include the pressure to get good, well-paying jobs in a highly competitive market and with student debt. My own experience is that students who feel isolated are also more likely to succumb. So joining any society can make a difference.
Struggling students often don't want to tell their parents they are having difficulties but, before they go, reassure them that, if they aren't coping, you won't be ashamed of them. Help them find out what support is available in case they need it.
4
Jewish life on campus has changed. On the one hand, it is much slicker, professional and well-organised. At Jew-niversities such as Leeds and Birmingham, a host of Jewish organisations will compete for your student's custom. On the other hand, while antisemitism has always been present on campus, it has now morphed into the trendier anti-Zionism.
If a student is facing any sort of harassment, their own JSoc, the Union of Jewish Students (www.ujs.org.uk) or the Community Security Trust are useful.
Finally, how much should you as a Jewish parent nag/cajole/bribe them to join the Jewish Society? On balance, I'd probably encourage them to try. However, most JSocs could probably teach Sherlock Holmes a thing or two when it comes to ferreting out students.
And, finally, remember that things change. My older daughter, Samantha, went to university telling me that she would NOT join the J Soc. Two years later she won a UJS award. University is all about trying out new identities and mixing with different people but many students find that, their own community exerts an enduring attraction.
