A family therapist's guide to post pandemic life

When the threat of the virus first arrived and the numbers of deaths started to creep up, everybody became anxious. Anxiety is a natural response to a threat and can be helpful as it jumpstarts the body into being more vigilant and reactive. A year ago people’s increased anxiety helped them remember new behaviour like hand washing and wearing masks. But prolonged anxiety meant long periods of time have been spent in a state of high alert.

In some cases, people developed hyper-vigilance and started responding in a very anxious way to other minor stressors. This mostly happened to those with pre-existing mental ill-health, significant vulnerabilities or those with very few resources and little support around them.

For others, the long months of increased uncertainty, rapid change and constant risk have left them feeling exhausted and run down. Coronavirus restrictions mean that there are fewer opportunities to support well-being, such as socialising and having a variety of hobbies and outlets. Many find that mood management and positive thinking have become more of a struggle.

It is true that some young people have benefited from lockdown. It has relieved the pressure of social interaction during the school day, which is particularly helpful for those with social communication difficulties.

Similarly, some families have enjoyed their new-found quality time together. But for most, the mental health difficulties have intensified and cumulated; whether it be increased anxiety, relapsed disorders or low mood. Family relationships have undergone increasing strain and sometimes have broken down altogether. One year on and the wear and tear of the effects of the pandemic are in danger of becoming entrenched in our emotional patterns.

So, what can we do to prevent Covid-fatigue from developing into fully fledged Covid-burnout and long-term mental health difficulties?

With the vaccine, we reignite our hope that restrictions will be eased and we can soon settle back into normality. At this critical juncture here are some tips for re-establishing good emotional health post-pandemic and beyond.

1. Expect to ride the rollercoaster

The road to post-Covid will not be smooth. Emotionally this means that hope and despair, excitement and disappointment and other conflicting emotions will flip-flop between each other as we come to terms with the ‘new normal’. Similarly, as the risk of the virus decreases we can let our guard down and have less need for high alert responses. But because emotions take time to catch up with reality, expect a lag. Anxious reactions may continue even when life becomes safer. It will take time to recover from spending so long in a state of high alert and experiencing so much risk and rapid change. There may be periods of exhaustion and low energy. Being self-critical of these ups and downs only adds to the stress. Instead, practise acceptance of both yourself and those around you as the rollercoaster twists and turns to its final destination.

2. Maintain your well-being strategies

As life slowly returns to normal you might not feel the need to keep up your positive affirmations or pre-Zoom mindfulness exercises. But it is important to keep in mind that even those who have experienced minimal disruption from the pandemic still have a huge amount of change to process. Often, we do not realise how emotionally fragile change makes us until symptoms present. Maintain any well-being and coping strategies that you have developed during this time, whether it is new hobbies or skills, volunteering, prayer or exercise. If you have the capacity, it would be even better to increase your self-care during this time.

3. Repair the ruptures

During times of worry, loss and stress we all say things that we wish we hadn’t. The good news is that a genuine and thoughtful gesture of repair can strengthen a relationship beyond the damage of the original rupture. Positive and nourishing relationships are a vital resource for emotional well-being. Consider your network and contact those with whom you have lost touch. Think about the quality of your current relationships and how to improve them. It is never too late to reach out, apologise and think together about how to build closer connections.

4. Keep talking

Whether you have lost family members, friends, your livelihood, academic opportunities or chances to develop friendships, we have all lost something during this horrific time. It is important to acknowledge and validate feelings of grief that accompany experiences of loss. Accept that grief comes at different times, with varying levels of intensity for everyone. Reach out to compassionate people whom you trust to verbalise your feelings. Talking about difficult experiences helps us process them and come to terms with what has happened. Emotional expression is key to establishing positive mental health.

Finally, during this tumultuous time many of us have lost sight of our sense of self and our identity. But we must remember that as a Jewish community, we know how to recover and rebuild. We’ve had lots of practice. When it is safe to do so, we can re-embrace our rituals, celebrations and togetherness that have given significance and direction to our lives for generations.

In Primo Levi’s recollection of his last days in Auschwitz after the Nazis fled the camp, he describes the turning point at which he began to feel human again. It was the moment that he shared his bread with others. Although incomparable to the Holocaust, this has still been a year of devastation and despair for so many. As we slowly turn the corner towards hope we can recover sooner if we connect as a community, find meaning beyond ourselves and help others pick up the pieces. Reaching out with kindness and compassion helps us look after ourselves and those around us. Let us find dignity and strength in moving forward from this pandemic and emerging kinder, wiser and more connected as a community.