The Schmooze
The early years of separation need not be lonely ones
Separation and divorce can bring challenges – but also new opportunities
April 2, 2025 14:00
Separation and divorce can bring challenges – but also new opportunities
April 2, 2025 14:00Life is full of challenges – we all know that. Some we manage with resilience, while others shake us to our core. Divorce is undoubtedly one of those life-altering experiences.
In the UK, around 40 per cent of all marriages end in divorce, and within the Jewish community, we are not immune. It is a profound decision – sometimes a choice we make, other times a decision made for us.
Regardless of the circumstances, stepping into the world of separation and divorce is often daunting.
It is a whole new reality – legal jargon that means nothing to you, friends (and sometimes family) letting you down by choosing sides, or withdrawing due to their discomfort (or perhaps because it hits a nerve within their own marriage).
Then, in many cases, there are the children – it is an overwhelming responsibility as, no matter what their age, their world changes too.
The Jewish community is deeply couple orientated, which can make navigating divorce even more isolating. The world favours couples: single-room supplements seem designed to infuriate and feel like an added punishment; social events can restrict; loneliness can creep in.
But divorce can also open doors and be freeing and empowering. There is a sense of possibilities, of new experiences – you can rediscover yourself, reclaim parts of you that have been lost or neglected. You can make your own decisions; you may become resilient. You realise that life is not just for couples, it is for individuals. It is for friendship, for new adventures, for personal growth. You must go on the journey to find new destinations.
On this journey, support is essential, whether it is from family, friends or like-minded people who understand what you are going through. Navigating onerous legal matters, co-parenting (if children are involved), the emotional impact and the numerous other issues that prevail can all be overwhelming.
Examples include being invited to a simchah, a wedding, a bar/bat mitzvah or any other joyous occasion. Do you feel like going? Will you upset your best friend if you turn it down, after all, it is their special day? Or will you go and put on a brave face even though you fear that your vulnerability may catch you unawares? I am mindful that this dilemma can be the same for any person on their own.
Chagim can be a minefield of emotion, as well as logistics. In addition to the loss of the extended family, which parent has the child/children for Seder night, Rosh Hashanah and so on? There are also many life-cycle events, both happy and sad, that may be encountered through the years, even after the legalities are settled.
With these issues and all the other challenges you might encounter along the way, most importantly, you need to take care
of yourself.
This is where Singular Challenge can help. Run under the auspices of Jewish Care at a location in north-west London, this confidential support group provides a lifeline for those within two years of separation or divorce.
Through a diverse range of sessions, including explaining aspects of the legal process, therapeutic support, shared experiences and restoring self-esteem, Singular Challenge helps individuals see the light at the end of what can feel like a long dark tunnel.
It fosters new friendships, equips you with practical tools and helps you navigate this unfamiliar territory with strength
and confidence.
For me, Singular Challenge was invaluable. It gave me strength and support when I needed it most. It has supported countless others, and it could support you, and someone you know, too.
To find out more about Singular Challenge or to sign up for the support group, please contact the Jewish Care Direct Helpline on 0208 922 2222. Alternatively, you can send an email to:
singularchallenge@jcare.org
Denise Lester is an alumna of Singular Challenge