The Schmooze
How Jewish courts are easing the pain of divorce
Ela Nicolaides explains what support the London Beth Din provides to couples going through the get process
March 27, 2025 13:14
Ela Nicolaides explains what support the London Beth Din provides to couples going through the get process
March 27, 2025 13:14The London Beth Din employs me to provide pastoral care for people going through the get (Jewish divorce) process, to combat get refusal and support those experiencing it. Sadly, we are well aware of how painful the break-up of a marriage can be, as well as the distress that get refusal can cause. Obtaining a get should be a dignified experience, imbued with respect and compassion. We have done many things to support individuals going through the process and address the challenges difficult divorces can create.
A decade ago, we created the role of the get case worker, a position occupied by a senior female lawyer, to assist the Beth Din in unlocking difficult cases. This has led to real improvements. Women (and men) have a woman to talk to and can entrust their situation to her fully. The case worker takes on resolving the situation, including advocating for whatever is needed to do this.
I want to offer some reassurance about the process for those considering applying for a get.
The get process can be completed very quickly once a couple has separated. Our average completion time at the London Beth Din is between two to three months, and it is not unusual for a get to complete within a couple of weeks. Where a spouse obstructs the get process, I become involved. I take time to understand each situation in depth and work to obtain the get as quickly as possible, supporting the get applicant throughout this process alongside the Dayanim (judges).
In some cases, talking through the issues is sufficient. Where it is not, we deploy a variety of tools. Making get refusal as uncomfortable and as public as possible is key. English law provides options in certain cases (described on our website) and Israeli law now provides a potential avenue for cases where a get refuser travels to Israel. We continually seek to add to our toolkit: the growing understanding of coercive control has led to a better understanding of the insidious relationship dynamics that often underpin get refusal and has informed our practice over recent years.
We make every effort to combat get refusal, but there is not always a quick fix. Halachah (Jewish law) requires both husband and wife to freely agree to divorce. Operating within halachah means that moving both parties towards consent can take time. Successfully preventing get refusal, including shutting down attempts to use the get as blackmail, is often arduous, painstaking and time-consuming.
There is a misperception that all get refusers are men. In fact, women refusing to accept a get consistently make up 50 per cent of our get refusal cases.
Our policies and processes were recently updated following an external review. The explainer video on our website outlines how we endeavour to ensure a good experience and why we encourage parties to apply for a get no later than they apply for a civil divorce. Parties are always invited to bring someone to their appointment, and a female volunteer is on hand at all appointments to provide support where needed, as well as to be an additional female presence. We also now have two independent get adjudicators who are available if you are unhappy with our process.
Batei Din clearly have a key role to play in combatting get refusal. We will continue to invest in our capacity to do this important work, collaborating closely with communal organisations and other batei din, as well as striving to equip communal leaders with the tools necessary to prevent get refusal.
There is always more to do, but our efforts are bearing fruit. We send feedback forms to all parties. In the last 12 months, 70 per cent of respondents said their experience at the London Beth Din couldn’t be improved.
Finally, I want to encourage anyone who has failed to obtain a get in the past to consider trying again. In the last year alone, we have resolved three seemingly intractable cases. If you would like to speak about this, or any other issue, please be in touch.
Ela Nicolaides is the get case director at the London Beth Din
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