There is an unprecedented crisis between Israel and the Jewish diaspora. The reason is ... assimilation and more and more Jews...don’t care about their Judaism and don’t care about Israel.”

This statement by Naftali Bennett, leaked to the press from a cabinet meeting, set off yet another firestorm among those who took deep offence to his remarks. Comments online retorted that it is the occupation/apartheid/religious intolerance that makes them turn from Israel.

As an American Israeli who interacts with diaspora Jews online and Israeli Jews in daily life, from my perspective, they are both wrong.

There is a crisis between Israeli Jews and diaspora Jews, but it is not apathy and it is not apartheid. It is a simple yet tragic lack of recognition that we come from very different perspectives and an inability to see the issues from the other’s point of view.

Israeli Jews and diaspora Jews lead intensely different lives, with intensely different influences and priorities. The major chasms come from these unique points of view and the environments in which they take shape.

Let’s take religious freedom, symbolised by the Kotel, and the conflict, symbolised by the Gaza riots, as examples.

Much of diaspora Jewry sees equality as priority. Many are angry that Israel reneged on a deal that would have made the Conservative and Reform streams of Judaism symbolically equal to the regnant Orthodoxy at the Western Wall Plaza. They feel that by not making space for them at the Kotel, the Jewish state is saying they, and the majority of Jews who are not Orthodox, are not welcome in the Jewish state. For them, the Kotel should be ready and waiting to accept them as they are.

For Israelis, the Kotel is a symbol of national and religious freedom — from outsiders. For most, what matters is that it is in our hands and Jews can go there whenever they choose. Most don’t go, but when they do, they aren’t bothered by the gender-segregated prayer, the traditional way Jews have prayed since Temple times. For many, the only time they are at the Kotel is when their children are being sworn into the army, or at the Yom Hazikaron ceremony to honor fallen soldiers and terror victims. For most Israelis, prayer at the Kotel should be done according to tradition and those who use it most — the Orthodox.

The two perspectives are totally opposite.

As for Gaza, diaspora Jews get their news from mainstream media, which often does not cover the complete story, or worse, from social media or college campuses where the apartheid narrative thrives. Without easy access to accurate news, and lacking historical knowledge of the conflict, many US Jews fall prey to the intense lobbying of anti-Israel groups and often have to choose between being Jewish (and supporting Israel) and being “righteous”. Jewish groups such as IfNotNow and Jewish Voice for Peace provide a home for these Jews by forcing the conflict into the black and white language of intersectionality and social justice which link everyone with less power as good and those with more power as bad. This measuring stick necessarily puts Palestinians as the oppressed and Israel as the oppressor. Thus, for many in the diaspora, their Jewish values of morality put them in direct conflict with Israel, the “oppressor”.

Israelis live and serve here. They know the history and the complexity of the conflict. They run to shelters, suffer terror attacks, lose loved ones, and experience the fears that come with living in Israel. They know the IDF. They are the IDF. For them, the notion of Israeli soldiers as evil baby killers is the stuff of Mein Kampf and the notion that any Jew would take this accusation seriously is unthinkable.

Israelis presume too much. They assume that diaspora Jewry doesn’t need full details and explanations, that they understand the realities of Israeli life, the religious tensions and difficulties of balancing rights and security. They underestimate the damage done to the reputation of the IDF and Israel and how diaspora Jewry sees religious freedom.

Diaspora Jews presume too much. They assume that what they are told is fact, and that all things that look similar, are similar, that those with power are necessarily evil. They don’t consider that Israeli priorities are different and the stakes high. They underestimate the constant threat under which we live.

The two need to come together with a willingness to understand the perspectives of the other. This is the only way we can work together toward a shared Jewish future.

Shoshanna Keats Jaskoll is a writer and activist